New Years Goddamned Resolution

I was thinking about making a new year's resolution. I have a lot to work with. Let's see - I could loose weight, start exercising, quit drinking, stop smoking, curtail my public masturbating, torture less kittens, etc. So then I thought why not just redefine myself? A hah! So I was about to do just that when I realized how difficult it would be to redefine myself. Why not just redefine a part of me? So I did. Here it is for the world to see:

I am going to redefine my anus. From now on it will be a cross between a squeaky voiced pop diva and Godzilla nemesis.

There. I did it. And it didn't hurt a bit.