John Paul II

I am going to devote this entire blog to the Pope. I'm afraid not enough has been written about him as of late so I will take it upon myself to pick up the slack.

Now, can we term his death "timely"? I mean when some one young dies, especially unexpectedly, it's always called an "untimely" death. Face it, the Popeski has been on his last legs for at least the last 7 years. And in the last 10 he went from a normal looking pope to looking like Yoda with a goofy hat.

Don't get me wrong. From all accounts I hear he was a great human being. But since I'm not Catholic, I don't believe he was god's representative on this earth or any of that other malarchy. As a pope, he could of done more about the sexual abuse scandals. Like let the poor priests at least masturbate on occasion. And maybe allow them a visit to a titty bar once in awhile. And if any one of them even looked at an alter boy in a weird way, taser the fucker and send him packing to the nearest Baptist church.

And this whole alter boy molesting thing is not only an American problem. It's just that we have a free and inquisitive press (at least until the Republicans have their way) unlike so many other countries. Our press will at least look into it if they see a day care associated with a Catholic church called "Little Anuses Day Care."

I bet the Pope died of DSB (deadly sperm build-up). I mean the poor bastard wasn't even allowed to fire one into a spank rag before bed. I wouldn't be surprised if his holy yogurt slinger hadn't shriveled up to a twig and currants years ago. Maybe that's why they wear those big hats. To hide all the excess liquid children in their system. Once the body's full, It probably accumulates and sprays out the top of the head like a shook up soda bottle.

Speaking of DSB, I need to get laid. My beeyotch girlfriend is officially fed up with my bullshit and since she hasn't parted her legs since the days of John Paul I, it's time we part ways. The only jollies I get now a days is when I'm at work, I put the beeper on vibrate and purposely bring down a server.

I figured that joining a dating service would be a good start on the road to fuckdom, so I looked in the phone book and checked some web sites out. They all seem goofy as shit. I don't like "romantic dinners by the fireplace" or "long walks on the beach" (I always expect to see about a thousand ugly, single people strolling around aimlessly whenever I go to the beach). I'm just an old horny fuck who wants some serious p-tang. Maybe I will start my own dating service and call it "E-Z Fuck Dating Service."

In anticipation of needing to attract the opposite sex, I've been hitting the gym especially hard lately. And the weathers been a little warmer so I wear shorts now. When ever I'm near a chick, I put my leg up on a bench or something so she can maybe catch a glimpse of chicken breast. I may be old but I still have the moves.

I know that's like saying that if you find a piece of gold give it to me, but if any of you know a horn dog chick, send her my way. And if anyone reading this is of the vaginal American persuasion (not you, Peter) and might want me (I'm hot!), drop me an e-mail.

Well those are my thoughts on the Pope. Hopefully he's in heaven with a bunch of young, horny cuties. I must get back to work now. A server just went down and the beeper's going crazy and I need to clean up.