Wednesday, May 04, 2005

This Blog Contains No References To Latvian Ass

I'm so sick of my career/life that I've decided to become a cartoonist. I haven't drawn anything (except the ire of countless women) in many years but that won't stop me. I know it's an unusual way of acting out a mid-life crisis but I don't have enough money to buy a Dodge Viper and I know of no young chicks who want to run off with me. So I will come up with an unusual cartoon series that I'm sure an underground magazine will pick up and I will make a few bucks and earn some cred with the young, hip crowd along the way.

So here's one of my ideas: The poorly drawn main character will be a down on his luck homeless guy named Nigel who speaks with a proper British accent. His whole life will revolve around his misery, bad luck and chronic constipation. He will do anything to take a shit and he will have a wacky band of friends who will try to help him out. Hi-jinks will ensue; like one of his pals will get caught trying to steal an eighteen wheeler full of prunes. Or another one of his cohorts will convince Nigel to shove a quarter-stick up his ass. You know, funny stuff like that.

Or maybe I will draw series of non-linear cartoons. Consider two poorly drawn guys standing on a street corner during the winter. One says to the other "My balls are cold." The other one says "Not surprising since its -12." Then the first one says "I don't mean literally cold, I mean emotionally distant." Thought provoking or what?

I might just come up with some sort of super hero cartoon thing. It would be like the X-Men except it would be a group made up of different poorly drawn and exaggerated ethnic types who conform to society's stereo types of them. Lazy black guy, drunken violent Irish guy, etc. But in the end, its their diversity that always wins the day and defeats the bland, white bad guys. That plus a bunch of dumb luck and lotsa ho's, blow and whiskey.

Perhaps I will draw something and scan it in so I can share my brilliance with you, my followers. Maybe I will even shit-can this blogging bullcrap and express myself strictly through my cartoons. Let me know what you think.


At 11:22 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Do it.

At 7:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could you please include an oversexed latino in your extremely stereotypical ethnic group. Thanks.

At 9:40 AM, Blogger Allyon said...

You know, of course, that the reason that Dubya went to Latvia was because of your blogs.


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