Monday, May 10, 2010

The Red Adair of Blogging

Wow, it’s a ghost town around here. All my friends and fans have deserted me for Facebook or Twitter or whatever the hell else the internet flavor of the moment is. I feel like a dinosaur alone on the plains just after an asteroid slammed into the earth forming the Chicxulub crater, typing out my blogs while all the cooler, hipper shrew like creatures are elsewhere evolving. Not one to sit around and feel sorry for myself, I will continue with my quixotic blogging quest until my bones are mineralized and dug up in 60 million years by some hot young college chicky paleontology intern. Here’s to evolution!

Speaking of what became of the dinosaurs, I am watching with great interest the oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. British Petroleum is still trying to cap the underwater geyser of oil in order to mitigate this ecological disaster. So far it has been all for naught. They should contact me since I have an idea or two as to how to stem the flow of evil hydrocarbons into the ocean. I will share these with you, dear readers of this blog. If there are any of you left. Here we go –

1. Confiscate all the Sham Wows in the world and use them to soak up the oil.

2. An obvious solution: Take an out of date submarine and ram it into the hole. Film it and make a porn video out of it.

3. Blow the well head the up with an atomic bomb. It would make everything far worse and add radiation to the mix but it would be fun. And it would show all these other fucking countries that we mean business and not to fuck with us ever again.

4. Get Al Gore to make a movie about it. He did invent environmentalism after all. And it will get him off this global warming kick. Actually, global warming will help by melting the polar ice caps thus diluting the oil.

5. Stuff the hole with tea baggers. I was amused by them at first but now I’m annoyed as hell. Tell them that the gummint will raise taxes to plug the oil leak unless they do it themselves.

6. Just ignore it and watch the NBA playoffs.

Ok, so I just proved the point with this lame blog that I should be extinct. Maybe I will just find me a pretty little Apatosaur, quaff some Jager nips and let the eons pass us by.


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