Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Strike!

I'm on strike. Fuck this shit. I had the occasion to talk to one of our applications guys tonight. It concerned a problem with one of our shitty, buggy apps. Well, he talked backed to be like I was his little bitch. I came so close to loosing it on the phone with him it's not funny. My entire body turned red with rage (except my pecker, which retained its usual chartreuse color). I actually had to think of something else while he was crapping on me so I wouldn't blurt out some career ending, profanity laced diatribe. I'm still steamed. The guy's a condescending prick of the highest order. I must endeavor to avoid all communication with him in the future even if it means possibly fucking something up.

The last month here in IT land has really sucked silicon cock. It's been busy as shit. Some nights I don't even have time for dinner much less (and far more importantly) time to entertain/enlighten you fuckers with a well crafted blog. Well I'm on strike tonight so here I go -

I went to the doctors today since I haven't felt good for about a month (hmmm). Seems I have strep like all my roommates. Anyway, I was reading the Sports Illustrated article about Barry Bonds whilst waiting for a nurse to swab my throat (or maybe I was supposed to swab hers). What a tool that guy is. He gained 15lbs in muscle in just 100 days using steroids. Then he started taking all sorts of growth hormones, horse steroids, testosterone, etc. just so he could hit longer homeruns than fellow 'roid abuser Mark McGuire. I wonder if anyone noticed when Bonds started showing up in the club house with a jockey on his back. Man, his junk must be so small now that he has to borrow his jock straps from a lightly hung pygmy marmoset.

Speaking of very small balls, our commander in chief is in serious trouble these days. The American public, as dumb as they are, are finally catching onto him. Yes people, he is phenomenally inept as I have been saying all along. I thought it was obvious from the get go. But that's just me. It's high time the Republicans start throwing up their usual smoke screens like gay marriage, prayer in school, flag burning and the other lame shit to distract the easily distracted public. I know I won't fall for it.

In case anyone gives a rat's vagina, there will apparently be a Jupiter 2 show April 1st at the Blue Mermaid in Portsmouth. At least that's what I'm told. We are a bunch of fools, after all.

Well, my strike lasted all of 15 min. I've got to get back to the grind.

37 Comments:

At 11:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome blog as usual, WGB. Your witty insights into everyday life are incredible! Keep it up!

 
At 11:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I crave your blogs. They are so-o-o- good.

 
At 11:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know a man of your considerable talents must be busy as hell but please write more blogs!

 
At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know I speak for all of Wheelgun fandom when I say "You are the best!"

 
At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nate Feinstein here from Random House. The book deal is in the works. High six figures.

 
At 11:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a young female fan of yours and I crave you!

 
At 11:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My question is how come a guy with your talents is wasting his time in some goddamned IT department at night?

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have named a dildo after you...

 
At 11:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I ain't gay or nuthin' but I have a man crush on you.

 
At 11:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Due to the immense popularity of your blog, you have exceeded you bandwidth allowance again this month. Blogspot has no other choice but to charge you extra, Mr Wheelgun.

 
At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, Chuck Heston here. Could you please be the spokesman for the NRA? I have alzheimer's and I could use the...the...um, oh look, a squirrel!

 
At 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your appearance on Oprah has been scheduled for May 25th.

 
At 11:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I could be more like you in every way. Well except for the blubber.

 
At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We at Thompson Center Arms are pleased to announce the naming of a new firearm after you. The .50 caliber Wheelgun Single Shot.

 
At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blogs have saved my life.

 
At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We could use you as a judge in our 5th annual cock sucking contest.

- Pole Dancers Of America

 
At 11:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It would be an honor if you would accompany me on my next hunting trip.

-Dick C.

 
At 11:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a truly a wordsmith of the highest CALIBER!

 
At 11:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I refuse to eat or drimk until you write a new blog.

 
At 11:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blog me baby!

 
At 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are The Bard of blogs!

 
At 11:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How come you haven't returned any of my calls? You must be busy!

- Hill Swank

 
At 11:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A film deal is in the works. Russell Crow has agreed to play you.

 
At 2:56 PM, Blogger LittleDougyPorkSword said...

Uh...were yah bored Bob? You failed to mention midgets or donkeys...or midgets getting boned by donkeys...or anal tongue darts. Its unamerican I tell you!!! My "handler" has had to up my thorazine...JUST WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO RECTUMFY THIS OVERSIGHT?!!!!

 
At 10:55 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Why would anyone name a firearm a "Wheel Gun Single Shot"? Either it's a repeater or a single shot. I like picking nits, too.

 
At 11:02 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Russell Crowe is a hack. I say The Wheel Gun should be portrayed by none other than John Goodman. Or maybe, oh wait, this is better as they are so alike in appearance, demeanor, sexuality, and ideology, Michael Moore. That, or Rosie O'Donnell.

"Clang, clang, clang goes the trolley!
Ring, ring, ring goes the bell!"

 
At 12:51 AM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

Fuck you, BFace. How's that for a witty response?

 
At 7:02 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Not bad, although I didn't think I called for a witty response. But that's a classic. Always good to fall back on.

It reminds me of when Joe and Hugh were physically fighting and we were holding them back. Joe was so exasperated he resorted to what he considered the ultimate insult. Remember that?

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

Ya, I also remember saying "let them go" but you intervened none the less. All's I can say is that if who ever 'cused the other of being Rosie O'Donnell should have had his mangy ass kicked. And you are in my sites, boy. And I'm not even all together sure who she is, 'cept a fat liberal. Right?

P.S. Joe and Hugh were fighting over $30! I know because GLB used to play the goddamned Rat all the time and thats what we would get paid - $30 and 2 free pitchers of beer! Of course over time we learned how to finagle about 12 free pitchers of beer every night we played. R.I.P. The Rat

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

I accused no one of being Rosie O'Donnell, I said you could be played by her in the epic movie. If you don't even know who she is, what's the problem? Anyway feel free to kick my mangy ass next time you see me.

I thought it was forty bucks, but thirty sounds right too. Matter of fact, that is probably right the more I think about it. A proud moment. Joe is quite brave, punching Hugh while Hugh's being restrained. Kinda like making threats over the internet. Anyway, a fond memory.

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger The Cod God said...

toast is good

 
At 5:03 PM, Blogger LittleDougyPorkSword said...

Goat soap is not for licking.

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Maybe goat soap will take care of my mange.

 
At 9:26 PM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

Goat's Head Soup was a good album but a doubious cure for the mange.

 
At 12:08 AM, Blogger B-Face said...

Screw the Rolling Stones. Next thing you know they'll be playing ballparks. Over the hill bastards. Any band that reforms is a joke, I say.

But seriously folks.

Goat's Head Soup is awesome. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the one with "Dancin' With Mr. D" and "Star Star?" Damn, those are some good freakin' tunes.

Has anyone ever noticed that the Stones' best years were when Mick Taylor was playing with them?

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger LittleDougyPorkSword said...

So Bob...when are you going to write another blog? Do you have writers block? Do you need a literary enuma?

How about a blog on lesbian porn? Of course you would have to do some exaustive research...you don't want to let your loyal followers down.

Or...how Oprah is the ultimate birth control.

Or...why the fucking mexican protesters can't write their protest signs in english 'what the hell are they protesting, sit down toilets?'.

Or...why 85% of the junk mail receive involves enlarging my penis, are they trying to tell me something? And how big is too big? Do women really want a guy with a log splitter?

Come on Bob...be our opiate!!!

 
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