Last Dump Of 2005

I haven't checked yet, but I'm sure I did some sort of New Year’s resolution blog last year. No doubt it was witty and hilarious. And I'm about to do another one for this year. So get ready.

But first of all, I just had a disturbing thought after writing that last paragraph. So it's been over a year since I have been writing this blog? Good god. Why me? Why anyone? (to paraphrase a figure skater). I'm not even sure if anyone even reads it anymore. I originally started doing this as a test for my nephew who was setting up his own blog. But I think even The Cod God has grown weary of blogging judging by how rare his posts are these days.

I've totally exhausted all the subject matters that I write about. And I'm too lazy and uncreative to come up with new ones. I can only go on so much about what a pile of poop our simian commander-in-chief is before eyes start to roll and snoring sounds are heard in cyber space. Besides others, like The Rude Pundit, do it so much better.

What to do? Should I keep doing this stupid blog? Should I actually put some effort into it instead of my usual 5 minute rant? But it is a web log after all, not a creative writing assignment. I could easily live without it. And it would give me 5 extra minutes a day in which to rough up the suspect. What do you guys think? Huh? Hello, hello. Is this thing on? Is anyone out there? (cue cricket chirping)

Anyway, back to the New Year’s resolution thing. Let’s see, I could do the usual ones like go to the gym, loose weight, quit drinking, cut down on smoking crack, etc. But I'm Wheel Gun Bob so I must come up with something wacky for my new year’s resolution to entertain you guys, assuming that there is a "you guys." So here is a list of possibilities:

1. Quit drinking. Diet soda that is. I pound down at least a six pack of 20oz'ers a day. It's my nervous habit. I go to the non-caffeinated variety after 6PM so I'm not up all night. But I hear that the shit in diet soda is basically formaldehyde. Would you want to preserve yourself forever if you were me? I didn't think so.

2. Quit whining about politics and do something about it. I kid myself that I'm actually involved because I write about politics in this blog fairly frequently. I think I will start writing letters to the newspapers again. Did you know that I was banned from writing any more letters to The Manchester Union Leader? I was in high school at the time. Maybe I will run for some sort of office. Ya, right. I wouldn’t survive even the mildest of swift-boating because I would shoot back with real guns.

3. Be positive. I'm as gloomy and pessimistic a person as you will ever meet. Hell, I worry about asteroids hitting the earth in a thousand years and our sun dying in a few billion years. Don't even get me started on nuclear bombs or bird flu. It will be tough to change. I will start by watching Oprah and reading books by that Doctor with the big head.

4. Put more effort into my band Jupiter 2. This one won't be hard. I think just one practice will do it. But seriously, I want to work on some new songs and maybe record something this year. Maybe do a split 10" with The Tunnel Rats?

5. Get laid for real. This Flesh Flashlight just ain't cuttin it.

Well, there you go. A man’s entire hope, dreams and aspirations in a few short words. I tell you, what other blog can give you that? Huh? Huh? (cue wind blowing and tumble weed)