Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Some Crap

I tell you folks, our jerk-ass president is nothing but trouble. But I'm not going to go on about it in this blog, no sir! I have more important things in store for you, my hungry fans. It will be a veritable smorgas-blog of disparate, all over the goddamned map shit that I will lovingly serve up for you today. So insert those day-glow butt plugs 'cause away we go!

Hey guess what? I've lost almost all of the weight I gained over the holidays. You chicks better line up because pretty soon I won't be "morbidly obese" anymore, just "obese." How did I do it? Nervous stomach I think. That and I've been able to return to the gym after my knees settled down. At least for now. Next month I will be taking two fucking server classes (computer shit, not waitron school) during the day so I won't be able to work out at all. Oh well.

My job has been sucking moose perineum as of late. We have all sorts of new shit coming on line in March and that can only spell trouble for yours truly. See, I work second shift and there is zero communication in this company so I have very little idea as to what's going on. But goddamnit, those fuckers in Asia and the other parts of the world that are awake during my shift will see to it that my life is hell!

Enough about me (sorry). Let’s talk about NASCAR (even sorrier)! I picked Jimmie Johnson to win the Daytona 500 and he made sure I was right. I wish I had put money on it. Now, here’s the thing. They were going on about how to control aggressive driving during the races. Isn't that the damned point? I think they should encourage it. And I think they should make sure there are plenty of folding chairs around after the finish when the drivers all start shoving and jawing at each other. Wouldn't it be great to see Matt Kenseth brain Tony Stewart with a folding chair?

But I'm a drag racing man myself. And guess who won Top Fuel at the Winter Nationals? I will give you a hint: the winning driver had a vagina. And tits too. That’s right, no less of a babe than Melanie Troxel. Man, oh man. Hot chicks and nitro methane. My spank bank is filled to the brim.

I will reserve any Red Sox talk for a whole blog. But I will tell you this - I love spring training. I even worked for the Red Sox during spring training once.

That's enough crap for now.


At 5:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need to talk about poop more...like is the Popes poop higher in the hierarchy in the Italian sewers.

At 6:55 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Where's Manny?

Speaking of spring training, although I didn't know it at the time, the worst you and I ever collectively pissed off Joe King was when we picked you up in Ft. Myers while you were working for the Sox and went to wherever the hell it was that we went. Oh man, did he fucking bitch up a storm after that. Boy, were we obnoxious. And that's just from what I remember. Good job, high fives all around!


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