At The Movies with Wheelgun Bob

I will be moving out of my bachelor pad at the end of this month. Although it stands in my mind as a monument to the monumental failure of my pathetic life, it was a cool place to hang for a few months. Bored of shooting at seagulls from the deck the other day, I decided to get an On Demand movie from Comcast. After all, it will be charged to my landlord and I’m leaving in a couple weeks.

I chose the most horrific movie I could find, one called “Human Centipede.” I had seen warnings about it on the internet. It’s about these two cute American college girls lost in Germany who end up part of a crazed doctor’s experiment to sew three people together, mouth to anus, to form a human centipede. Not a movie I would take the neighborhood kids to exactly but a barrel of laughs nonetheless. Although not a movie critic per se, I will endeavor to review this somewhat unusual film for you, my blog hungry cyber offspring.

First of all, I have a problem with the title. As anyone can figure out, when you sew three humans together, you have a total of twelve appendages – six arms and six legs. Unless you throw an amputee into the mix of course. Or you dig up the corpse of Lentini The Three Legged Man in which case you would be dealing with a total of thirteen appendages. Now, at the risk of going over your heads, “cente” is the Latin prefix for one hundred. So you see what a misleading description “Human Centipede” is for this horror. “Human Duodecipede” would be more apt. Or “Human Tridecipede” if you had Mr. Lentini sewn in. Or “Human Decipede” with a double amputee. Or “Human Undecipede” with both the three legged man and double amputee conjoined with a normal human.

Even so, I give the movie a thumbs up.