A Warning From Wheel Gun Reptilicus

Some NASA scientist opened up a meteorite and found what he thinks is evidence of extraterrestrial biology. I don’t think alien bugs crawled out exactly, which would have been great, but an electron microscope did find what appear to be bacteria like fossils. Ah! So perhaps life began somewhere besides Earth. Maybe those crafty aliens were “seeding” our planet while it was in its primordial state. Or maybe life on Earth evolved alongside the seeded alien life. That annoying moron in the cube next to you might be a secret lizard person descended from alien seed!

It’s well established fact that reptilian humanoids control humanity. Maybe they came to this earth via a comet a few billion years ago. Whatever their origins, we need to be on the lookout for them. And I don’t mean just the obvious ones like Kris Kristofferson or Hillary Clinton. I’m talking about your mailman or the reclusive lady next door. Here are some sure fire ways to uncover them.

Carry meal worms with you at all times. If someone starts sniffing at the air near you and asks “do you have meal worms in your pocket?,” say “no! I’m just glad to see you” and run like hell.

Causally engage them in conversation and tell them your favorite TV show is Man vs. Wild especially the episode where he bites the head off the lizard. If you notice a serious wince and then a look of extreme anger, make for the hills.

If you see someone sun themselves on rocks while naked, I would tend to be suspicious. Also, if they despise winter be very suspicious. Offer to take them on a Caribbean cruise. If they say “yes,” get the hell out of Dodge.

So be wary the Reptilians, my friends. Keep both eyes wide open for them, swiveling them independently if you can like I do.