Good God

That swinging dick “billionaire” Donald Trump has taken his hat out of the ring for the Republican presidential nomination. But don’t worry, that still leaves a menagerie of other wing-nuts and jackasses to amuse and horrify us. It’s fun to watch them try to out right wing each other. Eventually one of them will just come out with a rope and call for the lynching of that uppity Obama.

I have fashioned a quick speech these pig fuckers can use to get their red meat sucking constituents howling and salivating.

I’m glad I could be here today. Obama hates white people. America is the greatest country God ever invented which he did so shortly after creating the earth six thousand years ago. He made the countries alphabetically so we came first. Too bad about the Zulus! We win, zu-lose! [wait for laughter to die down] Speaking of Zulus, Obama’s from Africa and he is a radical fundamentalist Muslim socialist atheist liberal who wants our guns to help pay for his Obama care!

If elected president of this great land, I would get rid of all taxes except for those on sharia law and immigrants. I would use the revenue to pay for the defense budget exclusively. A healthy defense industry is the key to a healthy economy. A rising tide floats all boats especially destroyers and aircraft carriers. Obama hates God.

I would get rid of all the departments such as NPR, the Department of Education, the NEA, HUD, EPA, etc. Well, I would keep NASCAR but that’s it! Hell, the only people out of work will be liberals. Maybe I will tax their lattes too.

This god fearing country needs a strong leader who will stand up to the single moms, welfare queens and teenage girls seeking abortions who are destroying us. And we need someone who is not afraid to lob cruise missiles anywhere in the world whenever Israeli or the United States feel the least bit threatened.

I am the man for the job! Obama hates America. I was born in this country! I believe in God!

God bless America. And God bless God.

There you have it. Took me three minutes to write. Maybe I will whore myself out and become Mitt Romney’s speech writer.