The New Cleavage, Etc.

OK you spineless blog-adverse pussies. None of you has stepped it up to assist me in my hour of need. Thank god I don't need CPR or a donated kidney. Just a lousy guest written blog. You'd think I was asking to for help painting the house or moving the refrigerator. Jesus, what a pathetic lot you guys are. I suppose I should expect no less from anyone who frequents this page. Of course I'm assuming anyone still visits this blog. Oh well, I guess I will have to take a few minutes out of my hectic schedule to entertain/enlighten you assholes. So here I go-

Politics:

I can just hear you thinking "great, here he goes again." If you are sick of my political tirades, feel free to skip to the next section or just head on over to your favorite porn site. That's what you were planning on doing anyway, right?

Two amazing I-told-you-so's: The head of the CIA (a Bush appointee) has mentioned that the war in Iraq has made the world less safe from terrorists, and Alan "Yoda" Greenspan says there is no social security crisis. H-m-m. Anyone out there paying attention? Oh, that's right. I almost forgot. More people have died in Teddy Kennedy's car than have lost their social security in Iraq. Damned America hating liberals!

Sports:

Pitchers and catchers are reporting to spring training. 'Nuff said.

Fashion:

Why do girls these days wear pants that come only half way up their ass? The effect is to square off their hips thus making them look more like boys. Is butt crack really the new cleavage? No doubt this fashion is designed by gay guys.

Entertainment:

Who gives a rat's reproductive organs about the Oscars?

Science:

Global warming is real. No shit! Oops, there I go again! Global warming isn't real. Almost made you think I was a tree hugging, spotted owl kissing, snail darter felating America hating godless homo hippie fag, didn't I? Perish the thought. I hate the fucking environment as much as anyone.

Business:

The economy ain't great. Deficits are at an all time high. More jobs than ever are going over seas. Too bad we don't have a Republican president to fix all that. Fucking Clinton.

Religion:

The right wing Christian Taliban are still trying their damnedest to get creationism taught in schools. The latest stealth tactic is calling it "intelligent design." Just wait till the first teacher interprets "intelligent design" as aliens seeding the earth. Wow! Can't wait. No wonder we are so far behind the rest of the world in science education. Maybe they should teach evolution in church.

Health:

It's been proven that 5-10 shoots of hard liquor a day is good for you. Honest.


Well there you have it. A typical Bush bashing, football-is-gay blog by your hero, Wheel Gun Bob. Please help me put an end to all this madness. I'm still busy as shit and need guest blogs! Come on, be brave...