Friday, December 23, 2005

Christmas On Uranus

So I'm at work the Friday before Christmas. No one else is here except some weirdo engineers. My job tonight is to back up all the servers that normally get backed up during the weekend since no IT people will be on site the next couple days. Havin' a good time, wishin' you were here.

In between trying to figure out how to do all this backing up shit with out blowing anything up, I will fill you with a little holiday cheer by giving you a present. Go ahead, open it up. There you go. What is it? A blog! Just what you've always wanted! And not just any blog (although any blog from me is a treat), a "random thoughts" blog! So here we go:

Fuck Johnny Damon with a zwill covered 36" Roberto Clemente Louisville slugger. I had to break the news to a little 5 year old girl that Johnny was gone and, worse yet, gone to the baddest team there is. She exclaimed "Johnny went to the Yankees!" and started crying. So ole Johnny is on my permanent shit list. Johnny, I hope you run head long into Hideki Godzilla's crotch while trying to chase down a fly ball in your first game with the Yanks and brain yourself good. Wait, you don't have any brains. And apparently no heart either.

I feel so bad for Tony Dungy. His kid committed suicide. I know first hand what that can do a family. Tony will never be the same. No amount of super bowl wins will ever make him happy again. I'm thinking of you dude.

On a lighter note, I won't be dissing the trained baboon masquerading as our president in this blog, lucky you. But I wonder what the jackass wants for Christmas. Perhaps a crown and a robe.

Did you know that they've discovered more rings and moons around Uranus? It now has something like 27 moons. When I was a kid, I had all the names of the planetary moons memorized. Now there are far too many. Do you realize this was the first time ever that I did not make a scatological/anatomical joke about Uranus?

My family always makes eggnog for Christmas get-togethers. I suspect it contains nitromethene. I remember as a kid getting a buzz just sitting near the bowl. I don't really like eggnog, but I will have a sip on occasion. I think I'm still a little drunk from last years sip.

Speaking of famdamily, Christmas Eve will be at the Cod God's and Cog Gal's. We do the Yankee swap thing which is always a riot. Last year I brought a gift certificate for Sea Monkeys. The year before that was a brick of .22s. I'm still not certain what I will bring this year. I might just print out all my blogs for the year and make them into a book and add illustrations. That's sure to be popular.

Wheel Gun Mika's husband, Lumber Yard Dennis, dresses up as Santa and scares the shit out of all the little kids at the gathering. And we all have plenty of eggnog.

Well, I'd better get back to what I was doing. I need to start paying attention. If I do certain things out of order, I will be unemployed for Christmas. But if I get them done right, I might be able to leave early. Wish me luck.

Merry Happy Christ Holidays Mas!!!


At 11:13 PM, Blogger Allyon said...

Just who the hell took that brick of 22s away from me, anyway? Surely not one of my loving sons. Wait until you see how LYD dresses up this year.


At 8:42 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

"I had to break the news to a little 5 year old girl that Johnny was gone and, worse yet, gone to the baddest team there is. She exclaimed "Johnny went to the Yankees!" and started crying."

That's the sixth time I've heard that story. It's become an urban legend in a matter of days.

At 8:56 PM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

It's fucking true. I was there. I can't emphesize that enough. I know my blogs are full of crap, but that one was true. God, I hate Damon.

At 1:48 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

The Sox are so damn screwed. A few weeks back, I was nervous, and now I'm just disgusted. Not just the Damon thing (although it's huge), but everything. I mean everything.



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