Hilarity Below The Belt

With nothing better to do last Sunday night, my roomates and I watched "America's Funniest Videos" on TV. That show should be re-entitled "A Bunch Of Videos Of Guys Getting Wailed In The Nuts." I mean, there must of been about a dozen videos sent in of guys getting nailed in the package with balls, bats, door knobs, broomsticks, remote controlled airplanes, fruits, etc. It's always outrageously amusing when some poor bastard gets pegged in the jimmies. Odd thing though, I have never laughed when it's happened to me. Probably due to the pain, I would guess. After seeing that show, I will make it a point to protect my junk with my hands whenever there is a video camera in the room.

The funniest scenario ever of force-meets-squishy-bits actually happened to me many years ago. It's absolutely true. I was trap shooting with my nephews David and Billy. I had the shotgun and David was off to my right by about 15 yards with the hand thrower. I yelled "pull!" and somehow he managed to nail me below the belt with the clay pigeon. I doubled over and fell to my right and, for an instant, the muzzle of the double barrel waved passed David. But I was too busy cupping my wounded manhood to accidentally pull the trigger. I just wish there had been a camera around to record it.

I think what I will do is get my video camera and an accomplice (busy, Cod God?) and stage a series of ball bashings and send them into AFV and maybe win the $10,000 prize. I will fashion a cup out of some durable material and wear it so I won't really be hurt. But I will summon up my best thespian skills and when ever I am assaulted in the nethers, I will yelp like a goosed yak and double over in mock, yet hilarious agony. It'll be great.

Let's see. Gotta come up with some novel testicular tortures. Maybe one could have me standing at the end of a jump ramp used by some kids and their remote control 4X4. I will be yelling something like "get in here you little bastards, it's almost di..." and before I can finish the word "dinner", the RC 4X4 will zoom up the ramp into my awaiting groin. It's somehow always funnier when it's kids who are the nut busting perpetrators.

Another one could be me passed out on the floor after a night of heavy drinking. Maybe even in a puddle of vomit. And the damned kids set up a bunch of toy bowling pins in front of me and roll the bowling ball. It misses the pins and...you guessed it.

Maybe you guys can come up with some ideas. I will split the $10,000 with you.