Friday, June 03, 2005

Danica Deep Throat

[Ed. note: I was going to post this last night from work but some idiot came by at 10:30 and said "My laptop stopped booting up today. Can you fix it?" Good thing he waited until 10:30 at night to do anything about it. Anyway, I got distracted. So here it is now.]

XXX

Good news. They are finally coming out with a top level domain for online porn sites! .xxx! I am going to be the first one to register www.lesbiangirlondonkeyamputeewatersports-albinomidgetshavedandbleachedcheerleaderupskirts.xxx. It's sure to be a hit.

Deep Throat

Deep Throat has finally been revealed. You know, the guy who secretly fed Woodward and Bernstein info that helped bring down Tricky Dick. Is there anyone out there with balls enough to help bring down the current sack-of-shit president? Actually, just the stuff that's common knowledge should easily be enough to get Bush impeached. But nobody seems to care. Too bad, it's your country. Fair warning: I feel a political blog coming on soon. Or maybe that's the chili dog I had for lunch.

Big Stick

Who in their right mind would ever pitch to David Ortiz with the game on the line in the ninth inning? I think I would rather intentionally walk him even if it meant walking in the tying run. At least then you would have a chance of winning.

Auto Erotic

I like the Indy 500 chick. She's cute as hell. And she can sure turn a wheel. I bet you she can also suck a cage ball through a pipette. But the ballsiest female driver of all time is Shirley Muldowney. Not only was she good, she was successful. And she won two championships. That's right, not just races. Championships. She was know for her ferocious competitivness as well as her considerable temper. If any guy tried to cross her, she might just wail on him. And, lets face it, you've got to have a hairy pair to drive an 8,000 horse power top fuel dragster at over 300MPH. I've shit myself just standing near one warming up in the pits. I now feel a drag racing blog coming on. Perhaps I will get my brother Wheel Gun John to chip in.

Cod Piece

I invited The Cod God over for some whiskey fried steak, lard donuts and absinthe. But he turned me down. He must have something better to do. You know what they say - Absinthe makes the heart grow stronger but the pancreas grow weaker.

The weekends almost upon us! Well I've gotta go. I'm going to put on an INXS record and practice some autoerotic strangulation. And finish that absinthe!

3 Comments:

At 10:41 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Well there was one guy who crossed Muldowney many times, and it was Connie Kalitta. Let's just say she didn't whale on him, more like the other way around.

 
At 4:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wheel Gun: check out an article in today's Concord Monitor by Ray Duckler. He says that Danica Patrick has "done something no female has ever done in history, and that's Kick the snot out of most of the top men she's competing against." And she hasn't even won a race yet.

 
At 12:16 AM, Blogger The Cod God said...

Sorry chief, I had already filled up on corn squeezin's and shots of Crisco. Gotta stay regular, y'know.

 

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