More Cold War Era UFO Shenanegans

Great Britain declassified a bunch of UFO documents recently. No doubt only the ones that did not conclude that there are actual aliens visiting the Earth. You know, just the ones attributing UFOs to weather anomalies, experimental aircraft, pink elephants, etc. But the cagey Brits were sure to toss in a few unresolved reports to make it seem as though they were being thorough. Like this one.

It’s about US fighter jets scrambled to shoot down a UFO over Kent in 1957. One of the pilots was about to splatter some serious alien ass with a salvo of 24 missiles when the spaceship turned tail and ran away at 7,600MPH. I suspect the otherworldly pilots soiled their spacesuits on the way back to wherever they came from, assuming aliens defecate. And as is always the case, the earthly pilot was debriefed by a man in black ("looked like a well-dressed IBM salesman") after the incident.

So, what does this mean for you and me? Obviously, it means we should go on the offensive! Take the fight to the aliens! Preemptive intergalactic war! As you know I am personally well prepared for this but what about our next president?

You might think that “John Wayne” McCain would be the man for the job since he is ready to kick any ass for any reason at any given notice. Although his running mate would surely try to stop him from doing anything since the invasion would be the coming of “the end of days” thus meaning potential disaster for us. And Obama might try to negotiate with the aliens under no preconditions which could mean the extinction of all human life on this planet.

So lets get ole Ross Perot back on the ballot in November. The little fucker would probably scare the bejesus out of any extraterrestrial visitors. Hell, he might even be one of them! Plus he’s funny as shit. Let’s get the petitions going!