Saturday, January 22, 2005

I'll Call Bill!

So ends another week. And a week, I might add, of stupendously dull blogs by yours truly. This just might end my less than note worthy blogging career. Why? Because it takes 15 - 20 mins. out of my already busy day in which I could be doing something else like roughing up the suspect, no one reads them and because I really don't have much more to say.

I tried to convince my nephew B-Face to do a guest blog in my stead tonight but he's too busy agonizing over 3 day old broccoli (hee-hee, I told him that it would be OK to eat - little does he know that broccoli goes bad in about six hours! Man, his anus will get some work in tonight).

So I thought I might end up with the ever popular "random thoughts" blog. It's kind of a cop out I know. I always tried to have some sort of theme. But hey, I'm leaving. So here it goes:

- I have a Rugar Black Hawk .44 magnum.

- One of my favorite shows as a kid was Candid Camera. I want to do one where you put some guy in a stall of a public bathroom and when ever someone comes in to piss, the guy starts screaming things at the top of his lungs like "Mary mother of god! Oh Shit! Please oh please! My god it hurts!". The hidden camera will record the concerned expressions of the guys pissing in the urinals. And if someone asks the guy in the stall if he's OK, he will respond in a normal but annoyed sounding voice "Hey, can't a guy take a dump in peace?" A variation could be the guy in the stall saying things in a sing song voice like "here crappy, crappy. Come out of daddy's ass. Come on, be a good little turdy and stick your little head out. Come on in, the waters fine!"

- I want to give a shout out to my old pal Jon Hoar who's in the army waiting to be deployed to Iraq. He's as insane as I. And far more talented in everything he does. God speed my friend. The stage is awaiting your return.

- Red Sox signed "Wiff Belhorn" and "Corn Rows" Arroyo. Two important bit players.

- Roger Clemens signed a record $18 million 1 year deal with Houston. What's that? About $9000 a pitch. Really.

- G.W. is going to cut Medicare. Good. Poor people smell like sour milk anyway.

- This was on the sign in page for Blogspot: "Join Molly in her video-based blogging workshops. Preview the Learning Blogger CD-ROM." What the fuck? I didn't know there was an art to throwing up on your computer and uploading it to the web.

- I saw an old episode of the Twilight Zone recently, "Little Girl Lost." It was the one were the parents are awakened by their daughter's voice calling for them. They check her room but can't find her. Then the father says to his near hysterical wife "I'll call Bill. He's a physicist. Maybe he can help." I just love that line. As it turns out he's right because the little girl fell out of bed into the "fourth dimension." An aside - Of course as we all know, the fourth dimension is time. But hey, it was 60's TV. And besides, they didn't want to piss off Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis,jr.

Jesus, I have spent almost half an hour on this shit! Fuck that. See you next week. Maybe.


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