It's Up...It's God!

Here I go. I'm going to try to write about football. I mean everyone else does. Why not me? I'm not a huge fan of the game and here's why - It's just a little too homo-erotic for my tastes. Not that I have anything against gay guys. I just think it's weird when they don't really know their gay. I can just picture all the grab-assing, towel snapping and awkward sexual references that must go on in an NFL locker room. Remember high school when some of the coolest kids were obviously gay and didn't care? Then you had the meat-head football players beating them up because they were secretly jealous of their sexual honesty.

And the whole fucking god thing. There seems to be a lot of overt Christianity surrounding football. They always have a team prayer before the game. All interviewees have to thank the lord for what ever good thing happened to them that night. Like god is going to give a shit who wins or looses some damned football game. Our jackass of a president is the same way. He always ends everything he says with "God bless 'merca." Why not just say what you really want to say, George? "God bless 'merca and no one else." You know god is more concerned with America than Uzbekistan, right?

Then there is the whole blip culture, made for TV aspect about football. It's designed for the tube. If baseball is a fine aged wood then football is a cheap piece of plastic. It's also very militaristic. Don't worry, I won't repeat the George Carlin routine here. But you know what I mean.

Oh, and one more thing. The fucking rules. Too damned many of them. They hardly let the players play anymore. What ever happened to good 'ole smash mouth football? R.I.P. XFL. And you can never really cheer a good play until you are sure there are no yellow flags on the field to null and void it. You know what would help the game? If instead of yellow flags, the refs had to piss on the field when they saw some rule infraction. They would be running around madly drinking beer so they would be able to piss a lot at a moments notice. Imagine the sight of three or four streams of steaming piss after a roughing the passer call arcing down on the field of play. Hopefully the defensive linemen don't get too excited thinking it's ball juice.

And, I almost forgot, three words: Half time show. Nuff said?

I know every Patriot fan is convinced that we will beat Payton Man-thing and the Dolts this weekend. Well, I'm sure we will.

So there you have it.