Friday, January 14, 2005

T.G.I. Fucking F.

It's Friday and it's almost time to get the fuck out of this cubicle and go home! Can't wait to start the goddamned weekend! Man, I have so much to do this weekend too. Like drink! I'm a little behind in my drinking. Speaking of a little behind, hopefully my girlfriend will have her ankles behind her ears when I get home. Gonna haul out my veined springboard of love and give her one hell of a pelvic cracking, buttock ripping, gut crushing, liver flipping F-U-C-K! Unless of course I forget to go home. I might just hit a bar or two on the way. Maybe even the titty bar. It's been a tough week and I need some therapy. I probably won't do any blogs for the next couple days because I will either be too hammered, hungover or too busy pumpin' the ole lady.

Oh, who the fuck do I think I'm kidding? I don't really have a girl friend. Hell, women just don't understand me. They think I'm just not "sensitive to their needs." What about my goddamned needs? I require only two things in a girlfriend - My dick and a ride home when I'm really shit-faced. Now I'll admit I'm not the most attractive guy in the world. Actually, my last girl friend used to say that if her dog was as ugly as me she would shave it's ass and make it walk backwards. And her dog was a pug! She eventually left me for this other woman who was no prize herself. She is probably gnawing out that giant wall-eyed pig as we speak.

Well at least I can go home, watch a little football this weekend and drink myself into a coma. Maybe I will start waving my .357 around in one of my blackouts and the neighbors will have to call the cops again. Perhaps one of my miscreant nephews will come over and help me wreck the town. Maybe, just maybe, my ex-girlfriend and her lover will come over and we can have a threesome. Actually considering how fucking huge her girlfriend is, it would be more like a sixsome.

That's enough for now.

3 Comments:

At 12:15 AM, Blogger Missy said...

dude...smack it some more

 
At 12:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"my last girl friend used to say that if her dog was as ugly as me she would shave it's ass and make it walk backwards."

Yuk yuk yuk, you get no respect, I tells ya, no respect at all.

 
At 12:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

On the other hand, this is literary brilliance:

"She is probably gnawing out that giant wall-eyed pig as we speak."

So it's a wash.

 

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