Thursday, June 09, 2005

Keep Your Damned Filthy Hands Off My Cube

There is no end to the misery! Guess what? They are trying to take my goddamned cube away from me! Yes, you heard me right. My cube is going to be turned over to an engineer!

The company for which I toil is relocating a bunch of engineers to Beverly, the location where I can be found. As well as hiring a bunch of others. These engineers need room to do whatever the hell it is they do. So who ever decides these things decided the lowly IT department could give up some of their cubes.

I will, along with a couple other IT off-shifters, have to take up permanent residence in the NOC (Network Operating Center) which is a giant glassed in area that looks like the control center of a power station. Boy, is that going to blow dog! It's cold and noisy in there. Plus people can keep an eye on you all the time either by looking in the glass front or dialing up the web cam (if you fuckers think for a moment I will give you that address, you are dreaming).

The only good thing about the NOC is that whenever one of the few good looking chicks around wants to drop off a laptop for repair or pick up a loaner, you always arrange to meet her there since the air is kept so frigid. Just remember to borrow some safety glasses from manufacturing so you don't lose an eye!

Now let me tell you about cubes. If you have ever read the comic strip "Dilbert" (it's incredibly accurate - I can't even laugh at it anymore) then you know what I will be going on about. We working stiffs live in these little beige 10" X 10" cubes that are about 5 feet high. Of course you personalize them as much as you dare so you don't go crazy. I have pictures of dragsters and Hillary Swank in mine. And some odd toys. Like a miniature guy named "Bob" in a tiny cube. And I've collected a number of old computers and equipment so my cube looks like the set up The Lone Gunmen (computer nerds from the X-Files) had. I've also hoarded a bunch of things that help me do my job so I don't have to go running around like an idiot looking for shit when I need to, say, deploy a system.

[Warning: This next paragraph verges on geek talk]

I mean, the set up is sweet. I have a computer dedicated to network monitoring. It's some old piece of shit that they were going to throw out that I got working (adjusted the air/fuel mixture, by Jesus). And I found some Dell Trinitron monitors that nobody wanted because they weren't new or black and cool looking. I have one computer that's Windows 2000/Office 2000 and one that's XP/Office 2003 so I can help people with either of our two main setups. I even installed Linux as a dual boot option on the Win 2k machine just in case we get hit by a virus and I can't use Windows (One of these days I will dedicate a lengthy, boring blog to the incident that inspired me to do this).

And the really cool thing about my cube, besides the pictures of Hillary, is that I have set up two work stations using a switch, old monitors and some of the stuff I've found. I can work on two computers at once; right in the comfort of my own "home" instead of the pigsty know as the "build room." And it's a place to hang my goddamned coat! I don't want to give it up!

Well yesterday they booted the third shift guy Glenn out of his cube. He is the type of guy who really hates that kind of shit and is not shy when complaining about it. So in order to prevent him from going on a killing spree, I took his crap out of the NOC and set it up in my cube. I cleverly re-arranged everything so that there's room enough for both of us. And since we don't work at the same time, it should work out. And I have this hope that the powers that be (the "high-walls") will look at this act of compassion and spare my - I mean our - cube from being turned over to some weasely little dullard from MIT.

[Ed. Note: I was not able to post this blog at work due to a network anomaly that cropped up in Agrate, Italy that diverted my attention. I just got home so I am posting it now. Glenn, by the way, when he saw the dual set up in my cube said “Fuck them. They can kiss my dick.” And proceeded to install an obscene screen saver on the engineer’s computer in his old cube. He also said he would move his shit back to the NOC. Like a good little martyr.]


At 8:15 AM, Blogger LittleDougyPorkSword said...

"Yeah...whats up bob...I noticed that you forgot the cover sheet on the TPS reports...I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and fellate me."

If you do have to relinquish your cube...leave a little present. Stuff one or two raw shrimp up underneath the partition. ummm...rotten seafood.

At 9:40 AM, Blogger The Cod God said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:42 AM, Blogger The Cod God said...

Try and grab that comment that I deleted. I didn't mean to do it.

At 4:19 PM, Blogger Erin Nicole said...

it does remind me of the scene in office space...

"ummm...yeah...milton...we're going to need you move down to the basement..."

and the lone gunmen rock! :)

At 12:06 AM, Blogger Erin Nicole said...

i really, really, really, want one of those for my boyfriend....where did you get it??

At 1:48 AM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

The little cube dudes can be got at a very cool web site:

At 2:50 PM, Blogger Erin Nicole said...

i love think geek...i bought a binary clock off of there for my computer programming brother. :)

thank you so much!


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