Thursday, September 22, 2005

Fly Me To The Moon

Our mental midget president has announced that NASA is sending people to the moon again, like we can afford it. Why? Well the answer is simple really. Much of this project is going to be farmed out to private contractors. Probably among them Halliburton or one of its subsidiaries. I tell you, if you are country club pals with the president, then you have made out these last few years. The rest of us, of course, are getting poorer.

Since it will cost over one hundred billion dollars, NASA should try to make some money along the way. Here are some suggestions:

Sell advertising. This is simple. You put ads on everything from the space suits on up. Pfizer would pony up big bucks to have a giant ad for Viagra on the side of a rocket, for example. And giant banner ads could be unfurled on the surface of the moon.

Sponsors. Have everything be the official whatever of the moon program. Wendy’s or McDonalds could freeze dry some of their crap and it could be the official food for the astronauts. A zero-g douche made by Coca-Cola could be the official feminine hygiene product for the female astronauts.

TV revenue. Have a reality based TV program about the moon program. NASA should purposely hire good looking crazy young people to be the astronauts. You could have two knock-out babes, an uptight no-neck and a gay guy for example. Hi-jinks would ensue. You could even have astronauts voted off the space craft. You could also get real celebrities involved like having Oprah or Elton John be guest astronauts.

X-rated pay per view. Televised zero gravity fucking.

Sell rides to the moon. You know some bored billionaires would pay hundreds of millions of dollars to go. Just get George Bush’s Christmas card list for the names.

Sell shit. Bring back tons of moon rocks and sell them. Retrieve what’s left of the original moon landers and lunar rovers, etc. and sell it all on Ebay. This also goes for any crashed UFOs or World War II bombers they find up there.

Drill for oil on the moon. Maybe this is the real reason Bush wants us up there.

5 Comments:

At 7:07 AM, Blogger LittleDougyPorkSword said...

Just a note about selling vintage moon mission stuff...WE NEVER WENT. Think about the vacuum tube technology of they day. Transistors were the size of a small fist. To the moon and back? Not likely. And if we did, why wait so long to go back? Usually anything we stick a flag in ends up with condos on it a decade later.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

You're right. This is no return trip. We are actually going to be there for the first time. That is if we actually go. Special effects are better these days too.

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger CptLeech said...

Its not as though Bush decided he was going to send people up next week. He announced last year he wanted NASA to have probes by 2008 and men back on the moon between 2015-2020. Its old news Bob, if thats all you can bash him about today you must be sober. Maybe you should have a few beers and figure out how he blew up the bus of old people fleeing TX because of Rita.

 
At 8:04 PM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

It was the liberals that did that, plain and simple. Then they will try to blame it on your hero Bush! Crafty as always.

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger The Cod God said...

Dude, we're already there, man. We've been there for years!

That's where we keep our secret spy things. Geez.

They're watching us. All of us. Why do you think that the Stones played at Fenway Park? It was a way for the government to get us all in there and brainwash us with the music.

I heard that they had a booth for young Republicans right outside the show where people could sign up and it was packed, man.

It's all a conspiracy. I'm outta here. I'm going to Buenos Aries.

 

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