Monday, October 10, 2005

Dude, like, is that an IED?

I feel so much better now that I don't have to enlighten/entertain you with Bush bashing blogs anymore. As I mentioned in my last blog, I have delegated that heavy responsibility to the far wittier Rude Pundit. So this frees me up to go on about non-political topics. Even though things are getting really hilarious over there in right-wing Christian land. God bless 'Merca, Goddamn everyone else! Ha! Go get those pointy-headed liberal, pro-choice, anti-god mother fuckers! KILL THEM! What a riot.

Anyway, did you hear about the competition that the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) sponsored in the Nevada dessert? They set up this very difficult several hundred mile long course and timed how quickly these vehicles could traverse it. The kicker was that these souped-up cars and trucks couldn't have a driver or be remotely controlled. They used a combination of GPS positioning, laser sensors and computers to get them were they were going without ending up in a gulch or wrapped around a boulder. The point being to help develop unmanned vehicles for wars of the future. And if Republicans keep at it, there will be plenty of wars in the future (opps, sorry - almost forgot).

Why not train monkeys to do the job? They would be a lot cheaper because they have opposable thumbs and can drive with few alterations to the car. Just have a GPS installed on the monkeys shock collars to automatically jolt the little fuckers if they go off course. And you would get the added benefit of the enemy getting shit thrown at them if the creatures are caught. Or you could fill the Humvees with water and have dolphins drive. Dolphins have a long and distinguished career assisting the Navy finding shit like torpedoes and mines.

Now, I know what you're thinking - PETA will have a fit. Well if they do, have them drive the vehicles instead of the animals! Just tell them that they need to get the vehicle from point A to point B or else some poor snail-darter will die. Then slap a Phish tape in the stereo and off they will go. Don’t let the road side bombs harsh your mellow!

Maybe I will contact DARPA with this idea. And I have lotsa other ideas as well, as I will elaborate on in future blogs now that I'm unencumbered by politics. Lucky you.


At 12:01 AM, Blogger B-Face said...

Hi. Devil's advocate here. Let's see...

Wheel Gun: "Republicans keep at it, there will be plenty of wars in the future."

Woodrow Wilson, Democrat. President who ordered America's involvement in World War One.

Franklin D. Roosevelt, Democrat. President at the time of America's involvement in World War Two.

Harry S. Truman, Democrat. Ordered the atomic bombing of Japan during World War Two and ordered American troops into the Korean "Conflict."

John F. Kennedy, Democrat. Sent "advisors" to Viet Nam, which led to direct American military involvement for years to come. To quote: "To check the southern drive of Communism makes sense but not only through reliance on the force of arms. The task is, rather, to build strong native non-Communist sentiment within these areas and rely on that as a spearhead of defense."
Substitute "terrorism" for "communism" and it may sound familiar.

Just sayin.'

At 12:07 AM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

Ha! The trap ensnared BFace!

At 1:46 AM, Blogger B-Face said...

Such cunning. You go to such great lengths to "ensnare" B-Face. Such a sharp brain, you took two whole blog entries to trap me. The first was the setup, the second, the final blow! Boom! Like Moriarty, I shake my fist at the sky and say, "Curse you, Holmes! Foiled again!," While you refill your pipe and tell Watson to run a bath.

Or, you could have simply gone the logical route and pointed out the fact that, Kennedy excepted, the Democrats I cited had little or no choice at all, where Reagan (Grenada) and both Bushes (both Gulf Wars) did. That's what I would have done. That's what I was expecting. But, good job old man! I stumbled right into the insidious steel beartrap you no doubt have stayed up late at night planning and plotting.

Sheesh. I'd have more respect if you had just said "Shut up!"

At 10:44 AM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

Please don't sue me when you get carpal tunnel syndrome.


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