Saturday, August 11, 2007

my pecker is truly longer than world

Now aren’t you fuckers lucky! Yes, it’s true – ol’ Wheel Gun Bob is back and loaded for bull. So back your asses up and prepare to be pumped full of knowledge/truth/entertainment from the throbbing mind of yours truly.

“So Wheel Gun,” I can hear your breathless post orgasm voices ask, “What brings you back after such a long layoff?” Boredom. Yup, sheer and stupefying boredom. I’m here at work on a gorgeous Saturday filling in for a vacationing co-worker. I have a couple hours of down time in between performing terrifying Unix server back-up procedures and I can’t surf porn here at work (actually I could ‘cause I’m an IT fag but not worth the risk). So you fortunate little bee-yotches will be the beneficiaries of this woeful situation I find myself in.

Now, what to go on about? Perhaps the usual crap? Why the fuck not! Let’s start with politics (I can hear the collective groan):

Not in my whole life have I ever seen such an outstanding array of jack-asses running for president. Great god in heaven, what a bunch of pandering sacks of shit. As is usually the case, the Republicans are far worse than the Democrats which is saying a lot since the Democratic candidates are pathetic shit stains.

[I just got this email –

Princesses always hee-hawed at me and even fellows did in the free comfort station!Well, now I giggl at them, because I took Meg, a dik. for 4 months and now my pecker is truly longer than world.

Gotta love spam]

Now Let us start with the lowly Dems. Barak Obama, trying to prove that he will be tough on terrorism despite his name, said he would attack “high value targets” in Pakistan with or without President/coup leader Perverse Musharraf’s permission. Now, I’m not saying he shouldn’t, but announcing it to the world at this point doesn’t help a damn thing. It only makes Musharraf’s job of dealing with the fly attracting fundamentalists in Pakistan that much more difficult. Stupid.

John Edwards. I don’t give a gerbil’s balls about how much he spends on his haircuts. I can’t stand his lispy southern accent. And a word of advice: Completely ignore that see-you-next-Tuesday Ann Coulter.

Hillary. Panders almost as much as a Republican. And da bitch voted to authorize the war. ‘Nuff said.

The Republican candidates. Wow. I need to take a deep breath to say something here - I would rather have George W. Bush serve another term in office than let any of these rectum dwelling whores become president. I mean, have you heard any of the debates? I wouldn’t let these guys run a fruit and vegetable stand let alone a country.

Here are some things I learned that you need to believe in order to be a successful* Republican nominee for president: Iraq was responsible for 9/11, The Iraq war was a good idea and should be continued, Iran is next, all Muslims are al Qaeda terrorists, liberals/Democrats torture kittens before they boil them alive and eat them, the government should make sure this is a God fearing Christian country, global warming is a hoax perpetrated by Al Gore and other Marxists, dinosaurs and humans co-existed not too long ago, every sperm is sacred, women should know their place, health care is for us rich folk, not only was Gitmo wise but it should be expanded, torture is OK, unchecked government surveillance on its citizens is a good thing, we need to lower taxes so we have to borrow more money from China and, last but not least, fags are ruining this country! Makes your head spin, don’t it? *Ron Paula will not be successful.

I truly despise Giuliani. Notice how all the workers and emergency personnel at 9/11 have a seething hatred for this supposed “hero” of 9/11? And nobody equates 9/11 with Iraq more than Giuliani except maybe Darth Cheney. He was a shitty mayor before, during and after the towers fell. His own kids hate him. His pets probably can’t stand him.

Master flip-flopper Mitt Romney will be a god send to the Democrats if he is the Republican nominee. Speaking of god, I love the way these Republicans try to out god each other. Now, I don’t particularly care what religion you are as long as it doesn’t interfere with your logical thought process and you don’t try to shove it up my ass. But being a Mormon is just weird.

McCain is the worst panderer of the lot. Remember when he sucked Jerry Falwell’s tiny tadger after pissing off all the god freaks last time around? And he is head cheerleader for the Iraq war disaster. I would like to kick him in the pom-poms.

So who should you vote for? Me.


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