Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Your Average Joe

I love this whole “Joe The Plumber” shtick the McCain campaign is pushing. They are trying to convince people that their tax plan is good for the average American unlike the socialist, liberal, eastern elitist, pointy-headed intellectual Obama’s plan. Too bad it isn't true. I will pay less taxes under Obama than I would under McCain. Now if I took home more than $200K, then I might want to think about voting for the Geezer-Dingbat ticket assuming all I cared about were taxes. But the Republicans, as usual, are counting on the American public being gullible and naive. “Damned, Cletus, allz ah make is 23 thou a year so I don’t want no liberal takin any more of ma hard earned cash!” He obviously done heard it on Rush.

I think the McCain campaign should continue to run with the whole Joe Average American thing and start making up variations on the theme. Here are my suggestions:

Sam the Racist: This is easy. All they have to do is convince people a colored fellow would be president if Obama is elected.

Ken the Straight Guy: Use the specter of the “gay agenda” being vigorously enacted if Obama is elected. Would your average American like Ken want his hard earned tax money used towards buying ass-less chaps and Madonna records for poor, lazy, gay people?

John the Baptist: He’s just your typical god-fearing Christian American and he don’t want no mooslum president. Convince John and his ilk that, like his namesake, they will all lose their heads if McCain ain’t put in the White House.

Rosie the Riveter: Harken back the greatest generation when john McCain was just middle aged.

Sally the Theater Fag Mom: How come all these mom’s are sports moms (soccer mom, football mom, hockey mom, etc)? What about other after school activities like chess club or band or even theater that require moms to drive their kids around just as much? Sally could prove that even non-sports activities can have conservo cred.

Joe 48-pack: Convince drunken degenerates that they have a lot to lose if Obama is elected. Like free beer from Cindy McCain’s beer distributor.

Gary the Gun Nut: You know them liberals will take your guns away.

Laid Off Larry: Have some poor schlub who has been recently laid off blame William Ayers for his predicament.

Charlie the Chicken Hawk: Defines “supporting the troops” as putting them in as much danger as possible so long as he ain’t there himself. Iran and Russia are next!

Josephine the Lonely Housewife: She can be there when Joe the plumber shows up to “fix” the pipes.


At 12:26 PM, Anonymous jOhnny said...

Sally The Theater Fag Mom may be my favorite fictional character of yours since... well maybe since Timmy the Flaming Bunny.

At 11:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joe 48 Pack, HA! Brilliant.

--Auntie Mika, who can't remember her password


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