Christmas is for Christians only!

As you know, I’m not one of those guys who goes on constantly about how much he hates this thing or that. Ok, with the possible exception of anything related to the Bush administration. Now I’m going to let you in on something that I despise with all my being (which is really saying something since I have a lot of being). It’s this whole mythical “war against Christmas” bullfuck that Bill O’Reilly and the other slithering shitheads go on about at this time every year. The “War on Christmas,” they tell us, is the left’s attempt to secularize a Christian holiday. There is even this horse’s ass who rates how “Christmas friendly” stores are by how their catalogs reflect the upcoming season. If they dare use the phrase “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” then they should be boycotted according to this dick. Well fuck you guys and the reindeer you rode in on.

I don’t give a polar bear’s pudendum if someone say’s “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Hanukkah” or “Go fuck yourself an elf!” O’Reilly and his malodorous ilk have no right to tell me or anyone how to celebrate this time of year or how we should express it. Not only that, this whole “war on Christmas” doesn't really exist. It’s another example how the right wing makes shit up about the evil liberals and how they are turning America into a godless nation. I tell you what, the only person I know who is dead set against anything to do with Christmas happens to be a fundamentalist Christian! All my commie liberal pals love Christmas and, believe it or not, some even go to church when they are not busy turning state secrets over to the Soviet Union.

Apparently, you must be a Christian in order to celebrate Christmas. Sorry, guys, I have my own damned religion and nobody is going to tell me that since I’m not a Christian I can’t celebrate Christmas! This is supposed to be a free country without the establishment of a religion. Nobody owns Christmas. If you want to celebrate Christmas by tying everything to Jesus, then more power to you. But don’t you dare tell me I can’t put that little plastic manger on the railroad tracks under the Christmas tree and run a train into it! Besides, I always glued the baby Jesus and the wise men back in afterwards.