Gimmie

It’s time for Wheelgun Bob’s yearly Christmas wish list, my faithful worshippers! Please don’t hesitate to use this list when you wander out to get me something this holiday season. But keep in mind it’s only a guide. If, for example, I put a Dodge Viper on the list and you want to get me a Bentley Continental GT instead, then have at it! So here is the list in no particular order:

Gift certificate to newegg.com. I haven’t built a computer from scratch in 4 years! I’m suffering from the geek version of DSB (deadly sperm build-up). Help!

Kimber Ultra Carry .45 automatic. Quick! Before the liberals take our guns away! This has been on my last 4 Christmas lists. Could someone please step up to the plate?

A new snow blower. The old one finally shit the bed after only 30 years and that blows! Although my driveway is only 20 ft long I also do all the sidewalks on my block. I want one with heated handles and a drink holder.

“Butt Fuck Sluts 7 - The Directors Cut” DVD. Nuanced acting and gorgeous camera work, arguably the best of the series.

An autographed picture of Karl Rove. Who knows, I might run out of toilet paper one of these days.

A new scotum. I don’t really need one, I just like saying the word “scrotum.” Go ahead, say “scrotum” out loud right now – it’s fun! It kinda trips off the tongue, as it were…

A couple of weeks on one of those big resort cruise ships. Just keep it far away from the Somali coast.

A business loan so I can start my own business and get the hell out of cubeville. What kind of business? That’s a subject for an upcoming blog.

Some autographed OJ Simpson memorabilia. I would feel safe selling it now.

A copy of Eddie Vedder’s death certificate. Please, oh please, make this happen. I am so fucking sick of hearing his imitators on every goddamned “music” radio station known to man. And you wonder why I listen to the right wing government propagandist shit-bags like Rush or Jay Severn.

Or maybe Peace on Earth or some such hippy crap.