Thursday, October 01, 2009

Repel The Invasion!

As if my pathetic situation weren't bad enough, I now have to deal with a badly swollen and painful big toe. The doctor thinks it might be a bone spur or chip and I have to go see a podiatrist for x-rays, etc. At first, I thought my doctor said “pud”diatrist. I told her that there ain't nothing wrong with my pud and I could prove it to her if need be (which would not have been difficult since she is so cute).

[Note: I went and saw the podiatrist late this afternoon after this blog was published. He gave me a shot of cortisone right into the joint. Jesusmotherfuckingchrist it hurt like a sumbitch!]

At least blogging will not further inflame my foot so here I go:

The enemy is back! It's Fall and all the satanic squirrels are at it again. Those of you who are smart enough to have followed my blogs over the years know that I have an on going battle with the neighborhood tree rats. I have a theory the furry little fuckers are super intelligent beings from outer space that are secretly trying to take over the planet. Well, Wheelgun Bob is on to them. Their mind control will not work on me even if I'm not wearing my special aluminum foil lined baseball cap. I refuse to let them flood my brain with images of cute little lovable furry animals. I know what they are in reality – a monstrous menace to our civilization!

I am devising a counter attack to save the Earth. I have purchased some sub-sonic .22s so the neighbors won't hear it when I fill mangy little squirrel ass with lead. I will endeavor to ferret out their lair and blow it the fuck up, along with their spacecraft, using the 5 pounds of black gun powder I bought for the job. I will lay waste to any transdimentional portals they may have constructed as well as any interdimensional communication devices. Then I will add insult to injury by eating all their nuts! It will show squirrel high-command back at whatever planet they are from not to fuck with us earthlings!

It's great to be clear minded and sane. Speaking of which, it's time for my meds. See you guys later.


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