Friday, January 08, 2010

Slappy Nude Rear!

I know all of you guys have been breathless in anticipation of my new year’s blog. You can all breath now since, without further ado, here it is!

Should I give you my usual wacky list of new year’s resolutions? Why the fuck not? I’ve done it for the last 6 goddamned years so why change now? Isn’t it amazing how I can keep things so fresh and interesting after all this time? In reality my blog, much like the TV show The Simpsons, is well past its prime. And my readership, which peaked at about 750,000 hits per day, is now down to a paltry 675,000 hits per day. I am endeavoring to come up with some new shtick/gimmick that will make a whole new generation of blogophiles worship at my digital alter. Keep an eye out – I might need your input. Anyway, my new year’s resolutions:

Lose weight. Not a lot. A couple hundred pounds should due. Hit the gym hard. New name: Wheel Gun Atlas.

Learn a new skill. I don’t know, fencing, scuba diving, horseback riding (fuck that – no brakes!) or saxophone, anything to keep my evil mind occupied. Suggestions?

Get the band going again. The Deuce will be back with a vengeance! New songs, new ‘tude. Play a double bill with the Tunnel Rats sometime perhaps?

Go on a trip. Like to Montreal. I used to go there all the time when I had a cool girlfriend. Haven’t been anywhere in years (haven’t had a cool girlfriend in years either). Maybe I can get a gig for Jupiter 2 and the Tunnel Rats in Montreal.

Not get kicked around anymore. I know you think of me as a tough, manly kind of lead slingin’ guy but I have been kicked around by a certain person for almost 20 years and IT WILL STOP. The tide will turn. New name: Wheel Gun Phoenix.


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