Try a Little Dick

Do you know the real reason president Obama has not yet made a decision as to his course of action in the Afghan conflict? He hasn’t consulted me yet! So how will I advise him when he does? Well, I will advise him to let his wife give me a mouth hug but I’m not sure that would help the situation in Afghanistan much.

Afghanistan has mountains and poppy fields and that’s about it. How many great rock bands have come out of that god forsaken land? How many casinos do they have? Do they have any Olive Garden restaurants? How many people vacation there? Has a Miss Afghanistan ever been declared a Miss Universe? Any successful Formula 1 drivers from there? Name a Nobel laureate from Afghanistan. Name a famous piece of art from Afghanistan. Name anything non-rug or drug related that has been exported from that rocky hellhole. Is there any good Afghan food aside from braised goat’s testicles? Has anyone from that country ever accomplished anything apart from repelling invading super powers? Say one thing, Afghanistan is a great testing ground for MOABs and other munitions. Rocks bounce high. Shit, I would almost rather live in West Virginia.

Alright, here’s what I would do if I were you, Mr. Obama. Get our troops out and send Dick Cheney in there with his shotgun. Little Dick can try and make up for all but ignoring Afghanistan during those years he had us gallivanting off to Iraq. If we get lucky, he might just blow his own fool ass off! And don’t let him weasel out with his 6th deferment.