Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Spank Rag O' Death

I would have written a blog for you yesterday, my loyal order of expectant fans, but I was just too damned busy. I will craft one for you now. Boy, aren't you lucky as shit?

So they discovered that poor woman in Florida those damned liberals murdered was actually brain dead after all. A veritable vegetable just like the 300 doctors testified to in the various trials over the years. I think Frist and the rest of the Republicans should have CAT scans done on themselves to see if they have any functioning gray matter.

And talking about those theo-cons (conservatives who want to run this country like a Christian Taliban), they are trying to tell us that a clump of cells formed just after procreation is as human as we are (at least those of us not on death row). What's next? Is the jism from our very dicks going to be accorded all the rights as a person since it's just one step removed from that clump of cells? My god! We could all be declared mass murderers on a daily basis! Well, daily for some of us. I can almost hear the prosecutor now: "Did you or did you not ever willfully and knowingly murder 480 million children by launching them into your bedroom ceiling, or by smothering them with Kleenex and flushing them down the toilet, or by leaving them on your girlfriend's breasts to die?"

Hey, it's your country. And it's your rights they are taking away. Gonna do anything about it? Huh? Huh? I didn't think so. Too boring.

Enough politics. (I can hear a collective sigh of relief)

Well at least the weather is good. Scantily clad chicky-boos are out in force! Its days like these that I truly can't understand how some guys can be gay. How could you possibly crave hairy man-ass when there are so many lovely sweet smelling girls bouncing around all over the place displaying their awesome wares?

Sadly, there are few good looking chicks were I work. And speaking of work, no they have not taken my fucking cube away from me yet. I'm the lone IT guy left in a sea of weirdo engineers. I think they are afraid to move me. I'm beginning to catch on to this corporate schtick. I believe I intimidate the powers-that-be with my sense of humor/biting sarcasm (even though I've toned it down a bit). Plus the fact that as pitifully out of shape and slobby fat as I am, I could beat the living fuck out of any of them and, for some reason, they know it. I actually think I scare some people. Or they are just plain afraid of someone who is different.

Oh, and speaking of my job, I made a huge blunder tonight. I won't go into the gory details, but at one point earlier in the evening I was thinking that I have been at my current job for almost a year without having made a big mistake. Of course you are judged by your mistakes and not your accomplishments in this sort of job. I jinxed myself. Blew it big time tonight. I will have to face the music tomorrow. But the best defense is always a good offense so I am already formulating my attack. I tell you, I'm catching on!

Hey, if they fire me I can at least return to a real life. Hopefully Ceres Bakery will take me back and I can work with cool people again. And most of those cool people will be raging babes! Makes me want to haul out little Wheel Gun Bob and start...well maybe not. I don't want to be indicted for murder.


At 11:52 AM, Blogger The Cod God said...

Pack one of your pistols tonight and leave it hanging out of your belt just enough to be seen. When they call you in to face the music, splash some water on your face, act all jittery while talking fast about how pissed that you are because someone took your herbal tea again and you aren't gonna take it anymore! Have the gun fall out of your pants and onto the floor once or twice and I bet that you'll end up with a promotion instead of an ass-chewing. Save that lovely act for me, big fella.


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