Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Fuck Mondays With A pressure Treated 4X4

I hate Mondays with a seething, burning hatred that borders on the pathological. Weekends just can't last long enough. Why can't we be like the Europeans and have more time off? Cause we is A-merkins goddamnit! We must be productive and produce so we can spend and consume. Fuck that. I want to live in a commune. Preferably, one with lots of topless hippie chicks willing to go down like power windows. I wouldn't last long, though. One Phish song and I would punch someone.

Our dip-shit Russian intern was at it again today. That fucking Trotskyite turd-burgler just can't leave my stuff alone. I have a collection of important floppy disks on my desk that I found strewn all over my cube today. It's a good thing he was already gone when I got in. He's definitely avoiding me. You would too if you knew my shoe would be up your ass next time you saw me.


At 8:35 AM, Blogger LittleDougyPorkSword said...

Have you considered teaching Ivan some very innapropiate remarks and telling him that they are "acceptable" or "cool" or even "customary" ? Think of the fun you could have watching him talk his way out of the job.

"Heello miz jones, I am theenking you have very nice turd cutter today."

At 2:48 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Bob, you couldn't live in a commune, they don't have dishwashers.

I'd run if I thought one of your shoes was going to be anywhere near me.

Put a loaded mousetrap in a drawer and tell Boris not to fuck with it, as that's where you keep your flask of Smirnoff.

At 9:50 PM, Anonymous WMD said...

Bface is just jealous because he knows that if I go anywhere near you, I'll get your cock up my ass.

I really wish that you'd come out of the closet and tell your family about me.

yours truly,


ps- don't forget my Oxycontins when you come over tonight, ok stud? If you're lucky, I'll wear my Dubya mask tonight.

At 10:49 PM, Blogger The Cod God said...

Use a regular 2 x 4's.

More splinters.

At 5:26 PM, Blogger Allyon said...

Dennis wants to remind you to buy that 4x4 at Ricci Lumber

At 4:59 PM, Blogger Wheel Gun Bob said...

Home Depot sucks. Ofcourse i would go to Ricci.

At 8:34 PM, Blogger Duke Crevanator said...

Bob you are an idiot when it comes to your douchebag Russian intern. You have ready access to a couple of Latvians. Their names are Mara and Anda. They were brought up from the crib to loathe Russians. They spent their childhood in summer camps where the grand finale was to burn a Soviet flag and then have all the Latvian campers walk across the burning cloth whilst spitting on the hammer and sickle.
I guarantee thatr if you bring up the fact you are friends with pure blood Latvians your pimply face interloper will blanche in fear. He very well may run out the door never to be seen again. If he has half a brain that is exactly what he will do. Trust me, I was dealing with a new Russian engineer who thought he owned my ass because I was a lowly tech-writer. I mentioned my wife was a Latvian and he was not bothered me since.


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