Music Of The 800LB Enema

Did any of you guys check out the NASA Deep Impact mission that sent part of a space craft hurtling into the path of an oncoming comet? No? Probably too busy watching sitcoms or reality TV, huh? Well let me tell you about it. They sent a dishwasher sized probe into this comet to see what would happen. Good thing it wasn't my goddamned dishwasher they used - I love that thing. Anyway, it made quite a spectacular explosion as witnessed by the impactor’s nearby mother ship and various telescopes.

I love the mind set. Astronomers used to be content just observing celestial objects like planets, moons and comets. Then they got into landing spacecraft on them with or with out humans to get an even closer look. Now they just want to fuck them up! “Music of the spheres” my ass! What’s next? Why, blowing them up of course. I've always wanted to work for NASA since I was a kid and now more so than ever.

As of this writing, the comet, Temple 1, is still spewing shit out of the impact crater. So much so they can't yet determine how big the crater is. I think there are two potential areas for concern. One is the obvious - the impact of the probe will have sent this New York City sized comet out of its orbit and towards the earth. Hopefully towards NYC itself while the Yankees are at home.

The second concern I have is that maybe Temple 1 is home to some strange and vicious aliens who have been entombed for millions of years only to be unleashed when the probe blew a hole in it. Stranger things have happened - just look who is president. Maybe the comet itself is a single giant alien and we just gave it a 13,000MPH 800LB copper enema.

I won't sleep well tonight, I tell you. Not because I'm afraid of aliens or comets hitting the earth. I will be awake all night guarding my beloved dishwasher from those NASA fuckers.