Positive Mental 'Tude

I now have this reputation around here at work of breaking things. Not literally, mind you, but things seem to blow up during my shift all the time. One week it's the domain controller, the next week it's the main SQL server. I think it's because I have this cloud of doom and gloom that I carry around with me all the time. I'm always convinced really bad things will happen to me if I don't worry constantly. I feel if I let my guard down and feel happy for just one second, the world will come crashing down around me. Maybe I should start reading self help books and fool myself in to believing everything is OK.

Speaking of work, that limp-wristed Leninist who has invaded my cube is a real piece of work. I walked buy him the other day and said "what's up?" He looked at me all bewildered and said something like "ehyahagh." I don't think it was a real word even in Russian. Then I caught the dimwit installing more programs on my computer. I said "just what the hell are you doing?" he mumbled something about testing installs. I told him he'd better not break my computer or I would go "Rasputin on his ass." He said "Rasputin, ha ha!"

Someone came by to pick up his personal computer that I had been working on in my cube today. The imbecilic intern was there working on his homework or something equally useless. I said to the guy as he got his computer "This thing is running too slowly - you need more than 128 megs RAM for a Windows XP machine, as a matter of fact…" at which point the retarded Russian interrupted and said, trying to sound authoritative, "yes, you are needink meenimum of, m-m-m-m, 256." I looked at him and snapped "who asked your opinion? Besides, as I was about to say, 512 is what I would recommend." Yeesh.

Well I must go. Yes, you guessed it. In the 5min it took me to write this, part of our network went down. Does anyone have a copy of the latest Dr. Phil book they can lend me?