Thursday, July 28, 2005

Windows Balls

So, I should be doing my month end report. Well fuck that shit. I'm going to blog instead. Of course you are the beneficiaries of this decision.

We have a new name for our moron Russian intern here at work. It's "Turnyourheadandkov." He hasn't been around for a couple days, probably due to a nasty bout of gay bowel syndrome. Next time I see that man-loving Menshevik, I will mention to him that I know a couple of Latvians. That will keep him the fuck away from me for sure. This was suggested to me by Duke Cravenator who is married to one of those lovely Latvians.

My band Jupiter 2 is playing this weekend at The Blue Mermaid in Portsmouth. It's always a slow motion car wreck when we play there. The last time we were there I attacked and almost killed my pal and then keyboard player Marc on stage. It was a funny scene. I think Brian Coleman will be our bass player for the gig although you never know. We tried to get one practice in for the event but the power blew in the practice space so we just sat in the dark and drank beer instead. At least that went well.

Now here's something. The next version of Windows will be known as "Windows Vista." How fucking lame is that? Its working title was "Longhorn." I guess that sounded too manly for a guy who named his company Microsoft. So let's come up with some alternatives for Mr. Gates to name his new OS with. I suggest "Ventanas Cojones." Picture a TV commercial that has some artsy fartsy, horned rimmed bespeckled, sperm burping, metrosexual using the new Apple OS. The voice over (James Earl Jones?) asks "What is your operating system?" The guy replies in a weak little lispy voice "OS Ten." Then it cuts to inside a Spanish villa and you hear bursting minor key flamenco guitar. "And what is your operating system?" the voice booms. Antonio Banderas turns around from a computer desk wearing his Zorro cape. He grabs his nuts and says in his growling, manly Latino way "Ventanas Cojones!"

Shit! Our CIO (Chief Information Officer) just called! I hope I didn't embarrass myself. Maybe I should just get back to work.


At 4:40 PM, Blogger The Cod God said...

word, yo!

At 4:51 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

The posts are getting funnier. I'm laughing with you now, instead of at you. Ventanas Cojones, Zorro cape, good stuff.

ps. Brian's a great bass player, convince him to stay.

At 5:16 PM, Blogger CDS said...

Hey, I dig your site it's funny shit. That bit with the gun to space would be sweet, the bullet would go forever and probably kill an alien at some point. And you would be pushed in the opposite direction at 0.05m/s...assuming you weigh 70 kilos and you're using a standard .45 caliber Glock. At which point you would probably reach an alien alot later and steal its technology to kill it too.

At 8:59 PM, Blogger B-Face said...

Wheel Gun Bob don't use no stinking Glock. Hence the name, Wheel Gun. It's .44 Magnum, baby, or maybe a .38 if he's hungover. And he wouldn't go backwards at all because he'd have his back to the inner wall of the shuttle. Homework, people, homework.


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