Eine Kleine Schlitz n' Plumpers

Hey, you guys will be happy as shit to know that you have something to do this Saturday night. Yep, my band Jupiter 2 is playing at a new dive in Somersworth, NH called Station 319. We are playing with pals of our (who feature a hot chick drummer), Hot Rod Fury. So be there or be smart.

I was thinking about music today. I must have about a hundred half finished songs lying around. So I thought I might write a song called "Half Finished Song." It will either have lyrics over a verse and a chorus and then the rest of the song with no lyrics or it will be a real long song with all the half finished lyrics in it.

Here are some Jupiter 2 songs that didn't make the cut or we only did once or twice -

Split Dick Man - Was about a guy with a bifurcated penis. "I'm a split dick man, I'm a split dick man. I can fuck her in the c**t, I can fuck her in the can."

Split Stream Man - You ever wake up and take a morning piss only to have your dink send out two streams in opposite directions? That's what this song was about. Hey, jOhnny, you have the lyrics to this one?

Fuck You - A satire of Joe king (of the Queers) songs. It featured the same turn around he has in all his songs and a dinky Joe King solo. The chorus was "Fuck, fuck, fuck you!" sung in the manner of our pal the Kinger.

Australo-hippie-scene - It was a song about how hippies look and act like cavemen. Australopithecus + hippie scene. Get it? We thought it was funny as shit until the next day when we were sober. I think we actually performed this one a couple times.

Schlitz n' Plumpers - Our former organist Marc had suitcase full of mostly German porn that he left in our practice space. One night while we were setting up for practice (in other words drinking), Tom was sitting down reading a "Plumpers" magazine while drinking a Schlitz. The song had lotsa nonsense German words in it.

Dale's Last Ride - An instrumental we did right after Dale Ernhardt died. As I recall, it was pretty cool. Not that he died - the song.

I know there are a lot more amazingly stupid songs we did and I will remember them as soon as I post this.

And fear not, we won't be performing any of these songs on Saturday. We will be doing the same damned 15 song set we have been playing for the last 7 years.