As A Great Philosopher Once Said (part 1)

True, there are lonely ladies all over New England. I really ought to whip it out and slap them in the face with it.

You know, come to think about it, if everyone whipped it out and slapped the other fuckers in the face with it, there would be less problems in this world.

Think about it. Hitler gets a big pink English willy upside the head from Churchill. What can he say or do? He has one testicle! He retreats back into some hole.

Clinton clubs Dubya in the ear with Little Bill. Gore gets elected.

Ho Chi Minh whips it out, plinks it on the table. Lyndon Johnson thumps the table in two. No more Viet Nam war.

Randy Johnson (sounds like a porn name) hangs it out while he pitches but no one notices. Big Papi charges the mound, swinging his like Indiana Jones does with a whip. THWACK ! Forget the homerun. Game's over. Series is over.