Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Deadliest Snatch

I was pleased at first when John McCain made his choice for vice presidential running mate thinking he had chosen Michael Palin not Sarah Palin. Then I thought about it and realized that Michael is not a native born American so he couldn’t become president if, God forbid, John McCain assumed room temperature. Actually, Sarah Palin might prove to be a lot more entertaining than Monty Python funny man Michael Palin.

And who am I to criticize a person who can field dress a moose? I mean, what other qualifications do you need to be president? Take our current president (please!) for example. He knew nothin’ ‘bout nothin’ ‘cept clearin’ brush ‘round the ranch and he’s been president over 7 years. Some might say that’s because he’s had the steady, if evil, hands of Darth Cheney and other neoconservatives guiding his every move.

See, Republicans prefer candidates that aren’t intellectually curious (don’t-you-dare-ask-any-questions-it-will-only-get-you-in-trouble-besides-everything-is-in-God’s-hands-anyway) and have a strong faith (faith always trumps empirical evidence, in other words it tumps REALITY). Why? Because they are much more easily manipulated than someone who needs good reasons to do things. And the neoconjob cabal are licking their chops (and wish they could be licking her cunny) with Sarah Palin. She believes the world is only 6,000 years old and that the End Of Days are almost at hand. So?

So here it is: If you believe that the Earth is only 6,000 years old and they should teach that as science in schools, then you obviously don’t give a rat’s tit about reality. I happen to think that any potential president should have a firm grasp on reality and will actually consider evidence before reacting to any given situation. And if you believe that the End Of Days is near then you don’t particularly care to save the Earth or any of its inhabitants since not only is that God’s job but you are one of the chosen few who will asend to heaven after the rupture, er, rapture. Scarier still is that this might become a self fulfilling prophecy for a president since he/she has the means to nudge it along by starting wars (without any input from that pesky Congress). Shit, the Taliban would be proud.

But what about McCain? Isn’t he the actual presidential candidate? Yes, and as tightly as the Republicans now hold this former "maverick's" short and curlies, that wasn’t always the case and they needed a signal that he was going to toe the line. That signal was Sarah Palin. And man, oh man how the Republicans love Sarah Palin! I mean there must be a blob of collective Republican jiz still orbiting the Earth after McCain’s announcement. She is a bikini MILF with machine guns! Who would you rather see in thigh-highs and garters, Sarah Palin or Joe Biden? Me too!

I am so glad John McAnus choose Sarah Palin to be his running mate. Despite the fact that the Dems did choose a scary negro to be their standard bearer, they all come off as boring, smart-ass policy wonks. They may be right but they sure as hell ain't entertaining! Don't get me wrong - I will vote for Mr. Obama since he is smart and actually represents "change" (unfortunately probably not enough change) despite the fact I'm a beer drinkin' Nascar watchin' supporter of the 2nd amendment (as well as the 4th, unlike most Republicans). Hell, I don't even drink lattes or speak no foreign languages! So I got conservo cred. Shit, I even shop at Walmart!

I will leave you guys with a list of facts about Ms. Plain - Sorry! - Mrs. Palin:

1. She has a vagina. And a clitoris. Plus the usual assortment of female junk such as labias majora and minora, mons veneris, Bartholin glands, etc.

2. She is a life time member of the NRA. (You said "member")

3. She sports a hefty pair of mammary glands.

4. She refers to her husband Todd as "The First Dude."

5. The "First Dude" apparently has a snowmobile that can do over 150 MPH. Hopefully he stays sober when he drives it unlike his automobiles.

6. The "First Dude" works part time on oil rigs. He no doubt has a significant rig himself otherwise he would not be "First Dude."

7. She refers to herself as a "hockey mom" although I doubt she ever actually drops off/picks up her kids from hockey practice.

8. Her teenage daughter is pregnant and not married. So much for "abstinence only" sex education. Maybe telling her daughter about the little rubber thingy would have been a good thing.

9. She decided to give birth to a Downs syndrome baby after being tested but she doesn't want to give any other women that choice. I hope, like a true conservative, she refuses any state/federal assistance. Ya, right.

10. Her cooter tastes like Alaskan king crab.


At 11:17 AM, Anonymous jOhnny said...

Wheelgun, being an obvious expert on the GILF's she-parts can you tell us if she's furry like an eskimo hat, or if she's smooth like whale skin?
Inquiring minds want to know.


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