Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Random Thoughts While At Work

Jim Rice finally makes it into the hall of fame. Apart from being a surly prick, he was a great and feared hitter and learned how to play a good left field for the Red Sox. I was probably at Fenway maybe 25 times when he was in the line-up (I could afford it back then) and I swear his batting average must have been close to .500 with me in the seats. I saw him hit three home runs in a game twice. I also saw numerous pitchers soil themselves when he came to bat. I know I would have had the trainer suture my asshole shut if I was going to face Jim Rice from the mound.

Just call me Captain Eeyore. I’m reading this great book about William “Captain” Kidd and the author includes excerpts from whatever diaries and writings that still exist from that period. It’s a riot how people wrote back then. One pirate describes a particularly well hung individual as “having the pudenda of an ass.” Hilarious. I’m going to endeavor to use that phrase as much as possible.

I was half listening to the local news the other day when I caught something about police responding to reports of a man tied to a tree. Nothing else, just that. I formed this mental picture of some goober tied to a tree with big, fat ropes and when the cops pull up he tells them to get lost. I mean, how long was the guy there? Why? For a joke, for revenge, for fun? And is it illegal to be tied to a tree? It raises so many questions. Why do I find shit like this so damned amusing?

Why the hell am I not working on my resume like everyone else around me?


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