Even More Of The Famous Letters Of Lord Fuckworth To His Personal Physician

Dear Dr. Porksword:

I didn’t realize this until recently, but apparently I have a “one off” anus. It’s only contractually obligated to extrude one shit. Now, I have had approximately 21,347 dumps in my life with out a peep of complaint from my “ano.” But after a somewhat difficult elimination the other day, Admiral Pukery (nickname for my anus) finally brought up this old contract. What to do now?

I will listen to “Clowny Clown Clown” by Crispin Hellion Glover over and over again until you some how mediate this difficulty.

-Lord Fuckworth


Lord Fuckworth:

It sounds like an "adhesion" contract. No...it does not involve fecal matter adhering to your thigh. It is similar to the contracts that pop up on your screen when you are loading software...the ones no one reads and just clicks "yes". More likely than not, you entered into a point and click contract with uranus...uh...your anus. There are several legal poopholes...er...loopholes.

However, threatening the admiral with a good buggering should loosen him up. If that doesn't work, try a champagne enema and kind words. If all else fails, pour molten glass into the stubborn pucker!

Doc Porksword.