Shit, I'm Old!

Great-gosh-ahmighty, my faithful readers, I turn 50 years old today! But I won’t be making one of my always hilarious lists of things you can get me for my birthday. No, I think you guys know what I want by now. And I won’t make what would no doubt be a riotous list of things to look forward to after the age of 50 (Geritol, musk melon sized prostate, AARP membership, yelling at kids to “get the hell off my goddamned lawn”, etc). So what entertainment will I provide for you, my obsessed worshippers, on the day of my half century mark? Abso-fucking-lutely nothing! It’s your turn to entertain me for once. So get to it!