Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Herman, Bobby, Ray

Random but hilarious/witty/insightful thoughts from yo' gangsta Wheel Gun Bob:

Ole Herman Cain apparently gets more ass than a Grand Canyon tour. But should it disqualify him from being president? No, it’s his idiotic, goofy and dangerous ideas that should disqualify him. It’s not the behind, it’s the 9-9-9. But he is still the most amusing candidate out there so I hope he stays in the race.

Bobby Valentine is now the Red Sox manager. He is an egomaniacal blowhard, sort of the opposite of the most successful manager in Red Sox history, Terry Francona. Can’t wait to see what transpires. I hope he wears more disguises and sneaks back into dugouts after being kicked out of games like he’s done before. Wouldn’t it be great if an umpire ran him and then Bobby comes back dressed as a Rabbi or Darth Vader or Dorothy from the Land of Oz?

The new Mars rover is on its way to the red planet. This sucker is a lot bigger and ballsier than previous rovers. Its nuke powered so if it survives its terrifying trip to the Martian surface then it will potentially last for years. I know the Martians will eventually get sick and tired of avoiding it and hiding from it so they may just zap it with a ray gun after a few months. Or maybe the rover will send back a picture of a sign that says “Fuck off already!” in Martian. And hopefully the Martian holding the sign looks just like Ray Walston.


Tuesday, November 08, 2011

More Lies!

President Obama is a festering liar. Yes, I know all politicians, particularly presidents, lie through their teeth all the time. Our last president lied so much that he got us into the raging fucking mess we are in now. And the current liar in chief is hardly able to get us out of it. But there are lies and then there are lies. It’s one thing to just systematically lie the country into a useless war that will cost us trillions of dollars and snuff out hundreds of thousands of lives. It’s another thing entirely to lie about the existence of extra-terrestrials as the Whitehouse did recently. In a lie of intergalactic proportions, the Obama administration claimed, in response to some petitions, that it has no evidence that extraterrestrials have ever tried to contact humans or that there is any evidence of a cover up. WHOPPER! Good god, does he take us for fools? He even has a reptilian humanoid for a Secretary of State for chrissakes! Come on.

Maybe the Whitehouse response was dripping with sarcasm that no one picked up on or perhaps it was “opposite day.” If not, WE THE PEOPLE KNOW BETTER! Cut the bullshit and stop treating us like children. First Roswell now this. Us folk up here in New Hampshire have to contend with UFOs all the time (incident at Exeter, Betty and Barney Hill, etc.) so you ain’t foolin’ us, Mr. President. Next time I see a UFO hovering around the Schiller plant should I pretend it’s not there?

Despite Mr. Obama’s blatant disregard for the truth, I will be winter proofing my house this weekend and at the same time, alien proofing it. My next blog will contain tips and tricks so that you, my dear cyber children, can do the same.