Slick Performace

I’ve been grimly fascinated by the live video feed of the oil gushing into the ocean from the broken oil well in the Gulf of Mexico. I love watching it for hours on end but I’m sure the folks on the nearby coastline don’t. Drill, baby, drill.

I watched some of the grilling that the BP CEO Tony Hayward received at the hands of the always blustery Congress. He was obviously well prepped by his lawyers since he wouldn't answer a single direct question and was a master of prevarication. I kept wanting him to break character and scream in a Cockney accent “fuck off you fuckin Yank wankas!”

Hey, whatever happened to the promise of fusion energy? Remember, it’s what the sun runs on. How difficult could it be to contain small thermonuclear explosions? Hell, I set a firecracker off in my hand once. It hurt like hell but I didn’t break anything.

I just found out that Mr. Hayward was "demoted" for his arrogant performance in front of our esteemed lawmakers. Too bad. I want to be just like him if I ever get caught cheating on one of my girlfriends.

Big Fat Conservative Wedding

To show his support for traditional marriage, corpulent conservo caterwauler Rush Dimbulb just got married for the fourth time. I’m assuming it was traditional, but I’m not sure what on earth would marry him. I do know that Elton John played at his wedding so maybe my theories about Rush being one of the many closeted homosexual conservatives is correct. I wonder how big his Judy Garland record collection is?