Friday, October 08, 2010

Ma-ma-ma my sharia

Those shit feasting fuck buckets who are trying to scare everyone into voting Republican throw around the term “islamization of American” all the damned time. They want you to think that if you do not vote for whatever tea-bagger pinhead they are humping at the moment then this country is headed straight for sharia law. Well guess what? I have the perfect answer for them. Tell them that this “isamization” scenario will never happen so long as we keep the boundaries between church and state strong. Then watch their eyes cross and the fucking smoke pour out of their ears.

Monday, October 04, 2010

What If Blog Was One Of us?

I want to start a goddamned mega church. It would be fun and easy to do since fundamental Christians are so gullible. I would need a catchy name for the church and a catchy name for myself as the head pastor. Any ideas (see below)? You ever notice how well these mega church preachers live, running around in Cadillacs and living in huge mansions? Lotsa donations! I will have to find a woman who will play my wife and she will wear horrible make-up and cry a lot. Of course I will have plenty of affairs on the side like these fools always do but I will draw the line at boffing boys. Will have to work on that southern accent too.

Everything will be tax exempt since it will be a religious institution with no political affiliation. But that won’t stop me from railing against anything and everything connected to those godless, America hating Democrats. And my animosity towards Obama and all the other Muslims will see no equal. Hey, maybe I can even get Sarah Palin to join!

Actually, if you wouldn’t mind, please start sending donations now. I need to at least get a white suit and megaphone. Oh, and a copy of the bible to brandish.

World Wide Church Of The Simpleton
House Of The Holy Donation
Church Of Jesus Who Rode Dinosaurs
Church Of The Unquestioning Believer
Holy Mother Church
Christ Almighty Dollar Church
Church Of The Eager Beaver True Believer
Church Of The Impacted Bowel
The Holy Unnecessary Church
Church Of The Open Carry
Jesus H Kee-riest Jr Church
The House Of Cards Church
The Holy Church of Larry, Moe, Curly and Jesus
The Goddamned Mega Church of Wheel Gun Bob