Red Bulls vs. Sleep Deprivation Day 2

Well, I'm back here at work much refreshed after a three hour sleep. That's right. I have to function for 12 hours on only three hours of sleep. And the worst part is that I have to baby sit a video conference tomorrow at 6:30AM featuring our CEO and other mucky mucks. Very important, so I'm told. So important that they couldn't ask one of our telecom geniuses to come in early to supervise. Instead, they will have a sleep deprived IT schmuck who doesn't know squat about video conferencing. Par for the course around here.

But my loss is your gain, dear fans. Just for you, I will craft a special blog for tonight/tomorrow. It will be one of those ever popular running diary blogs where the writer gives you a minute by minute commentary of whatever's going on. It will be scintillating, I promise.

9:30PM

Just finished unpacking a bunch of lease refresh returns. Took an hour. Didn't have to do it but the chick in charge of the lease refreshes is pregnant so I thought I would help out. Quaffed my first 20oz Coke. Going to check up on the score of the Patriots game. I hear I am not alone in my hatred of Payton Manning.

10PM

I'm bored. Thoughts turn to politics. I hope all of you readers out there will vote on Tuesday. And if you are so numb as to think the government knows what it's doing and you aren't afraid of one party rule or an imperial presidency, vote Republican. Jonesing for another Coke. Gotta hold off a little bit.

11PM

Wasn't planning on having my sandwich until midnight but I gave in. It's quiet here. Had a few emails from Asia but no phone calls thank god. I can never understand what the hell they're saying. Working on 2nd Coke. Wow this diary is fascinating, huh?

12AM

Only 8 more fucking hours to go. Getting tired. I need a new job. I am going to apply to be an intern on the TV show "Myth Busters." I love blowing shit up. Oh, and the Patriots just lost. Good thing I didn't get to see it, huh? And drink beer. M-m-m-m, beer.

2AM

Just got back from nervously checking the video equipment up in the conference room. I will probably check it out two or three more times before this extremely important conference begins. I feel like I could go into hibernation. Must start hitting the Red Bulls.

3AM

Just had long conversation with one of the guards. He is trying to keep me awake. He promised to come by and check on me just before 6:30 so I don't get fired for missing the video conference. I'm not getting anymore emails from my nephews. Must have gone to bed, the pussies.

4:30AM

I just went to take a piss and guess what? There was a guy in one of the stalls taking a dump. There is always some fucker shitting no matter what time I go, no matter what bathroom! It's 4:30 in the goddamned morning in a practically deserted building, what are the chances? He's a spy I tell you.

5AM

Shit, the lights just went on! And I'm beginning to get calls. People getting to work early on Monday so they can pester the IT department with their idiotic bullshit. Christ, I'm tired. And this diary blog is not the least entertaining, is it? I'm on my 3rd Red Bull. Hell, I might need to go take a crap myself soon. Hopefully I'm not gripped with fecal urgency during the video conference.

6AM

OK, that's it for this moronic blog. Too many people and engineers milling about who might see it. Plus it's pretty pointless to begin with. I will let you guys know how the very important video conference went and how I did driving home (I almost fell asleep at the wheel yesterday for christsakes).

Red Bulls vs. Sleep Deprivation, Day 1

Boy, are you fuckers ever lucky! Yessah! Ole Wheel Gun Bob is working 2 12 hour shifts this weekend. So you know what that means - plenty of time to craft a witty, poignant, timely, well written blog. I got in at 8PM last night and finished all the work I needed to get done for both days by 2AM today. That means that, barring a whole bunch of calls or a network disaster, I have an additional 18 hours to devote to you, my adoring fans! Kinda makes you want to dust off the old butt plug, don’t it?

Speaking of butts, I had a hearty laugh when I read about that anti-homosexual evangelical leader who, it seems, likes to indulge in meth-fueled fanny fuckin’ with a male prostitute. This is the same guy who was in tight with Bush and I don’t mean the good kind of tight bush. Just goes to show you how hypocritical the bible thumpers are. But those people always get it in the end, so to speak. This particular anal aficionado was kicked out of his church when his boy-toy told all because of the church’s stand against gay marriage. Ha!

How many Red Bulls will I need to drink to stay awake? And when do I stop drinking them so I can actually go to sleep when I get home? These are the questions that are tormenting me right now.

BFace sent me a whole bunch of his favorite links to peruse during my time here. I tell you, the dude is into some weird shit. Funny thing is I have a lot of the same book marks.

I started this blog 3 hours ago and almost forgot about it! Lucky for you I didn’t. It’s now almost 5:30 AM and I’m still going strong. Except for the indigestion from drinking too many Red Bulls and Cokes, I feel great. And I’ve found all sorts of crap to do. I think I will tidy up my cube next.

I get to leave at 8 so I will be home by 9. Let’s say I’m asleep by 10 and get 7 hours of shut eye. That means I will be up by 5PM and have two hours left to my Sunday. That, my friends, is the clinical definition of “sucks.”