HATE

It’s Sunday and I’m about to end my week in exile. Unpaid exile that is. Without going into the gory details, I was forced to take two weeks unpaid time off like the rest of the company I work for. However, since I am so “valuable” to the IT department, our CIO (chief information officer) and vice president had exempted me. Well guess what? Our CIO has left for greener pastures (actually a company out in California that makes missiles – believe you me, I am trying to get a job there) so the deal is apparently off. And since a couple of unprotected malcontents complained to HR, I’ve been told to go bye-bye for two weeks. Huge “Fuck You!!”s to a lot of people.

You have no fucking idea how pissed I am. A deal is a deal as far as I’m concerned. I thought it was unfair to begin with (as I said at the time) but I agreed to it against my better judgment (what am I to do when the CIO and my immediate boss pull this on me w/o prior warning?) and I also agreed not to be looking for another job in exchange for this “protection”. What a dumb fuck I am. I missed some important opportunities.

Well, I just took one week off and I will endeavor to find the most inconvenient time to take the next one off. I know I am old fashioned but a deal is a deal! They can all go and fuck themselves raw and bleeding with a pressure treated, rusty nail festooned 4x6. They can feast upon my corn fed shit. They can quaff my staff and paint or swallow. God, I hate cubville. I just want to play with computers – hell, I’m good at it. It's this other office politic bullshit that I hate. HATE!!!!

Your Love Is Like A Mutant Rainbow

Check this out.

This song has been in my head ever since I saw "The Omega Man" starring Chuck Heston during a film premier in London circa 1971. My best Friend Lem was a child film actor, among other things (he is currently a renowned screen writer in Hollywood) and was able to get me into this premier.

If you have ever seen the film, Robert Neville (Chuck) is the last man on earth except for the mutants (Anthony Zerbe will forever be one of my favorite actors) and, at one point, he goes into a movie theater to watch "Woodstock" (it was just a cinematic vehicle to show how there was once thousands of people on Earth). The part that plays is this one with Country Joe And The Fish. Perhaps it was the first time I had ever really paid attention to a Vox organ. Been obsessed ever since. Years later, at The Stone Church here in New Hampshire, I met Country Joe and presented him with a song I had written about Ronald Reagan. He laughed and mentioned me during his performance.

P.S. I read the book "I Am Legend" by Richard Matheson just after seeing "Omega Man" and, of course, it has little to do with the movie. The recent movie with Will Smith, although not bad aint that close either.

P.P.S. Can you imagine the brouhaha if 'ole Chuck had said this about a Republican president instead of Clinton? My god, it would have paled in comparison the Dixie Chicks outrage.

“Mr. Clinton, sir, America didn’t trust you with our health care system. America didn’t trust you with gays in the military. America doesn’t trust you with our 21 year old daughters, and we sure, Lord, don’t trust you with our guns.”

P.P.P.S Keep your hands off me you damned, dirty apes!

And here is a picture of my HOG

Here is a picture of my cock

A Change Of Profession

[ed. note: WGB is still planning on putting a picture of his cock on this site (see last blog) but is working out last minute logistic and legality issues.]


There was this notion around when I was a kid that young boys would like to run away from home and join the circus. Who knows, now-a-days kids probably want to run away from home and become rappers or Nintendo DS professionals. Anyway, I never wanted to run away and join the circus as a kid. Thought it was stupid. I wanted to be a scientist. But as I sit here in cubeville, I’ve had a change of heart. Since its basically a circus around here complete with plenty of clowns, why not join a real one? And I would join the Circus as a clown too. And no, I’m not going to come up with a bunch of obscene clowns names like “Knuckles Deep The Clown” or “Shits the Clown” for your puerile amusement because I’m serious.

I’m going to quit this job (or get laid off – big one coming this week) and go to clown school. I’ve seen some real clowns recently and it’s tough work. One was the patriarch of the Flying Wallendas who starts the show off without you knowing who he really is until this fucking clown is upside down on his head on a wire 30 feet up. I couldn’t do anything that required dexterity or athleticism but I could make kids laugh and annoy adults. I’m serious. I’m going to look into it. Now go ahead and make up all the stupid clown names for me you want.

DARE

I just noticed that no one comments on my blogs anymore. I know readership is still good, so why the lack of responses? I have a few theories:

#1 Guilt by association. You are afraid of being somehow associated with my lunatic ranting and that the NSA or CIA or FBI or Jack Bauer will track you down and slap one of those warrantless wiretaps on your ass. A reasonable fear these days indeed.

#2 Afraid of seeming stupid compared to the prodigious wit of Wheel Gun Bob. As it is, I purposely dumb-down my blogs so you folks can sometimes understand them. Perhaps I will turn them down a notch or two further so you will feel OK with commenting on them. Don’t worry, you won’t get graded.

#3 You are genuinely offended by my bullshit. Maybe you work up the mother of all comments to tell me off and are about to submit it when you chicken out. Believe you me, I could become a lot more offensive. Just dare me. Anyone?

#4 You are shy, have a crush on me and are afraid of hurting my feelings. Hey, if you hurt my feelings, I’m sure I can figure out what you will need to perform in order to mitigate my pain.

#5 You think I will come after you with a hail of lead. Don’t worry – I’m not that violent. And even lazier.

#6 There’s nothing worth commenting about. Ridiculous.

I will give you fuckers something to comment about, alright. If I don’t get at least 5 responses to this post, I promise to put a picture of my cock in my next blog. Seriously. Get ready.

Your Concerns Addressed

Ok, ok, you all have been pestering me so much lately that I am forced to address your concerns. Yeesh.

#1 Swine flu. Since I am so learned and worldly you always come to me with these life or death questions. How to protect yourself from swine flu? First off, I would avoid any pig fucking whatsoever. Secondly, cook your bacon thoroughly. It always tastes better crispy anyway.

#2 Obama's 1st 100 days. Doesn't seemed to have caused too much damage and it's too early to tell if he has any hope of cleaning up the disaster of the last 8 years. I'm already sick of hearing him talk but at least he can talk.

#3 Gay marriage. I would marry a lesbian if she wanted to have sex with me.

#4 The whole A-Rod thing. "Bitch Tits" was his nickname because the 'roids gave him female like breasts. What a riot. Can't wait until he shows up at Fenway. Think he would autograph my manzier? Do you suppose Madonna was taken aback when she realized her clitoris was a lot bigger than A-Rod’s rod? Actually, that’s not saying a lot. Ron Jeremy would be jealous of Madogna’s giant man in the ship. But A-Rod is probably now hung like a bull pygmy marmoset. Let’s call him “A-Clit” from now on.

#5 The new Trek movie. Of course I'm going to watch it. As a youth, watching Uhura in her micro-mini filled up my spank bank well before I even realized I had a spank bank. Can’t wait to see the hottie who plays the new Uhura. Hey, I wonder if Sulu will still be gay?

#7 (Wo)manny Ramirez. Shit, worse than ‘ole Bitch Tits. He was taking some female hormones to jump start his testicles after a ‘roid cycle. Do you think he grew a womb? Maybe he and A-Rod can get together for a nice cup of chamomile tea and a Jane Quinn Medicine Woman marathon on T.V. Hell, between the two of them, you would have a pretty decent woman. Personally, I would rather wash out in the minor leagues than fuck around with whatever performance “enhancing” drugs those idiots fucked around with. I would bet their “performance” ain’t so great these days. I might not be able to hit 50 home runs but at least I can still fire one off when the occasion demands it. Maybe not off the green monster or into the seats at Yankee Stadium, but a respectable distance none-the-less.

#8 Hubble. NASA is sending a shuttle mission to tune up the Hubble space telescope. Maybe adjust its air/fuel mixture a tad. As always, I would suggest keeping an eye out for pesky aliens who might not want us to gaze further into the universe. Make sure our astronauts are well armed! Bring some street sweepers and AK-47s at least. And if you see Uhura up there, bring her to me.